cluttering the net since 2001

1 2 3 orgasms....more...

Friday, May. 16, 2003
(sex stuff later in the entry....hang in there through the boring shit...ha!)

This weekend Bucky is coming over for my birthday even though I'm not supposed to have contact with ex. He's going to simply drop him off at the complex and Rick will go make sure he's ok and stuff. I don't have to be there for that. I'll wait inside. Saturdays my birthday.

Today I came home right after work and grabbed the money Rick left for me to go pay a bill for him. I ran and paid the bill and then I ended up ...where else but at the bookstore. I thought that Rick was working. I sat and read this great book that is chockfull of answers and information regarding what I believe I am suffering through, or living through rather. I am not suffering. I am simply adjusting to a major life change. The books title is 'The Journey from Abandonment to Healing' by Susan Anderson. I read 89 pages of this book and was so relieved to finally find something that was directly related to the emotions and feelings I myself have been experiencing. It stated reasons for these feelings, pyschologically and physically. It gave me insight on so many things and I'm not even 1/3 through this book. Amazing.

So I sat there reading and finding peace within just from finding some solutions to some of my current problems. Then I bought some coffee for Rick and drove over to his workplace and low and behold they tell me "he's not here, he's off today." Doh. I know he probably told me this information but when I came home earlier he was gone and so I assumed he was working. So..turns out I lost an evening with my man. :-( Bum deal man. Bum deal.

Today at work I landed a pretty damn good Purchase Order from some dude that previously told me no because he could get them for a better price at franchise. Whatever! Franchise had a 12 week lead time and I printed out that information from their website. And so here we are a week later and the guy sends me this very nice email that I never got...and then calls me and says "you didn't get my email did you?" And WHAM places the PO and I nailed him for 81 more pieces than he originally wanted. Ok ok so to most of you all of this means shit for nothing, but so what. This is my second sale in two weeks time! And I thought I couldn't do it. It's easy. Just a numbers game. THe more prospective clients you call the more reqs you get, the more PO's you can land. Just a numbers game. That and my sexy 900 voice...yeah that might help. But I never flirt or say "c'mooon Bob I know you have something for me" like my boss suggests. Gross. So...I made about $200 in commission so far on the sales floor. Not too shabby at all.... Anything a man can do a woman can do, and in my case at my company I am proving that I can do it better!

I'm addicted to push up popsicles. I seriously am. Every night I consume at least 3 or 4 of them. The skinny kind you push up through the plastic. Icicles I think we used to call them. I'm truly addicted. I buy this huge bag for $2.99 and then proceed to eat all the flavors I like best first leaving the gross green for last. Yellow and blue are my favorites. Why am I babbling on about this? Because I'm trying to type this and eat one at the same time.

Ricks watching a sex ed type show on TV. Something about orgasms and the difference in them. There's the clitoral orgasm, the vaginal orgasm and the g-spot orgasm. I started to watch this show on the Oxygen channel called The Sunday night Sex Show. It's on every night at 11 p.m. here. Its this older woman who is also a nurse. She takes phone calls and answers peoples sex questions. The current show is stating that size doesn't matter and that orgasms are orgasms and it doesn't matter how you achieve them. I would have to agree to both of those statements. Rick has asked me questions about what I prefer and the thing is, there are things I prefer. Don't we all prefer things in bed? Sure we do. But the things I prefer are subtle things. It's the way he runs his fingers through my hair. The way he hugs me tight close to his body. The way he licks my ear. It's the way he moves against me, the way he caresses my body. It's the way he stares me directly in the eye and we become one mentally long before we become one physically. It's not technique for me that turns me on. It's emotions. It's the way he hugs me when he first sees me, the way he's dissapointed if I don't greet him with a hug or a kiss. It's the way he's making love to me with his actions throughout the day. There is no technique that can be learned, taught or bought in a manual that can supersede love. I can honestly say that he's the first man in my lifetime that I have felt so connected to in the sense that I never feel awkward, I'm never intimidated, I always feel free to love him completely and without abandon. These are not techniques...these are simply signs of affection and the knowledge that you are accepted unconditionally with all your faults and imperfections. I have had sex in the past where I felt bad about who I was, or simply didn't know how I was perceived. With Rick I have never felt anything at all like that. I have simply felt cared for, wanted, appreciated and loved. These are things that are hard for me to explain when I am confronted with questions about preferences and technique. I can say that when he walks up to me from behind and I feel his breath on my neck and lean back against him, I love the way I feel so enveloped by him, so protected, so secure. Those feelings are an immediate turn on. To know you are loved is the biggest turn on I have ever known. To know you are wanted not only to complete a physical need, and not even about physical need, but because to be close is to be close in and out of the bedroom...that's the best orgasm ever. Would that be an orgasm of the heart? If you ask me, there's 4 kinds of orgasms, because my heart has never felt so much while making love.. until Rick.

Tonight when I came home and was rattling on about the book I found and what I learned and Rick sat and listened to me...looked directly at me, heard me.... That's the best foreplay I know of! Someone who sees you naked, raw, real. Amazing.


Rick cleaned the whole apartment today...it looks awesome. And smells so clean and fresh. He rocks! Now that's a major turn on. A man that cleans! I love you honey. :-)
2:09 a.m. ::
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