PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

one dozen to one

Wednesday, Jul. 26, 2006
I often display my worst qualities here. They would include the following with their corresponding excuses for bad behavior

1. My ex husband pisses me off. (I admit this, if he didn’t we’d still be married…this is no secret I hold from my son….please save me the b.s.)

2. I can never get a complete handle on my weight or health. (I admit this freely because I’m human and I’m Italian and I love good food and I’m in college and I don’t have time to exercise….and…yah you get the jist)


3. I throw things when I’m angry, pissed off, discontented. (this I believe now is due to my ovaries being whacked out…..either that or because I’m depressive and suffer from depression and I’m depressed about my f’d up ovaries….etc….and…etc)

4. I am a messy housewife. (This is because I hate that word…I didn’t marry a house…I didn’t say “Always in neatness and never in filth” to any dwelling)


5. I hate writing some papers for school. (this is because there are topics I must simply make up a scenario to speak about rather that honestly writing about a real scenario…and because some professor somewhere thought it was a good idea and he’s wrong!)

6. I buy too many books. (The excuses for this are innumerable but I believe they can all be blamed on my mother who would not allow me to have some of my books when she ousted me! That and….books rock and if you think otherwise go watch some mindless reality tv!)

7. I often am stressed out about my job, my schoolwork, my husband, my dog, my car, my life! (There is no real excuse for this except to say that I haven’t mastered stressfree living yet!)

8. I hate to clean the bathroom. (the thing is if I clean it it gets dirty again!)


9. I hate to cook unless I have free time to cook and enjoy it. (this is not my fault…I’m simply not a Chef for a living and I never have adequate time to cook properly.)

10. I have family issues. (This is because of lots of people….all of whom are classified as relatives!)

11. I don’t hide all of my feelings from my son. (This is because I watched my own parents live a lie and then I watched my ex-husband live tons of lies telling people everything was great when it wasn’t.)

12. I am not perfect. (oh the list of excuses….some of them are above….most of them are not.)


Despite this constant berating of my own b.s. issues here on my site

I have good traits. I truly do. I just never allow myself to really pat my own back enough and say these good traits here. Mostly because I’m on a constant diet of trying to fix myself, better myself, etc. I am my own worse enemy and so I berate more than you can imagine.

However I have good traits.


1. I am responsible and always pay my bills on time. I will not fake sending a check to the wrong place and while my economic skills can always use tweaking to be better, I know how to make it from paycheck to paycheck and not go homeless or die without food.

2. I am a good friend, one that is empathetic not sympathetic and full of shit. I will tell you honestly what I think and I won’t give you assvice unless you ask me for it and then I will always end that assvice sessions by saying “but don’t ask me I’m fucked up too!”

3. I always do the right thing if I understand the choices and can properly identify the wrong thing and adequately avoid it. I never intend to do the wrong thing and find no joy in being corrupt or simply one to partake of wrong doings.

4. I would never consider cheating on my current husband as he’s the hot dog to my bun.

5. I can admit when I am wrong. (disclaimer: unless I’m having a power struggle with the hot dog in my life.)

6. I am a responsible pet owner. I take good care of my dog and love her with all that I am every single day. I adore her and spoil her and hug her until she’s got indentations from my cheeks all over her tiny body. I also do not mind doggy fur on my lips because this must happen in order to properly smooch on her. ( I do avoid her ass licking mouth tho’…there is a limit to my love)

7. I know how to stay organized and ralley people together to work on any project together and I foster a good mentality within every group of people I’ve worked with. I’d always be voted for “most likely to take charge and succeed”.

8. I know how to properly fold the top sheet under the corner of the mattress so that it WILL NEVER come back out without a crowbar. (This is sadly a unneeded skill as the hot dog doesn’t like top sheets and I’ve given up on them since knowing him.)

9. I know how to match up socks even when half of them are missing and one must improvise. (this is very important in the hot dog’s life)

10. I am the sort of mother that allows my son to say whatever he really wishes to say without punishing him for speaking from his heart. I never turn him away and I never belittle him for any reason.

11. I am a good mother. (ask my kid, he’s the only one who’s opinion matters on this issue!)

12. I have a co-worker who’s done little but try to compete with me. Today I bought her her first college book and wished her good luck. Everyone else was amazed. I like her despite the fact that she tries hard to make me not like her. She makes it known inadvertently that she doesn’t fancy me much. (I made her cry when she found out that I flipped the bill for her first book. I sent it to her via another manager in her location who did me a favor by being the delivery service for me! The book was $27.95 and I was glad to help and support her decision.)

Ok so there’s a dozen of one and a dozen of the other but overall I’m not all shit and I’m not all glorious. I am human. Rather than tell me about the same faults I write about here, why not outnumber me with your own good points and offer the world something great? Rather than my being my own worst enemy I want to move towards being my own biggest supporter.

Kristy,

I think everyone can improve. I also think you constantly try to be better by admitting you have faults and working on them.

I think you rock and I loved you then, I love you now, I will still love you when….

Love,
Kristy



special thanks to the kid, the dog, and the hot dog in my life...without you three I might resort to allll bad things!

7:54 p.m. ::
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