welcome to my life 2004...I'm looking for..

One entire year.

Gone.

Just like that.

Last night I had a good time.

This morning is a different story.

~~~~~

Last year...right now I was a mess.

This year...right now I'm dissapointed but I know it'll pass.

Big difference.

~~~~~

Of course this is the time to do New Years Resolutions...and I've been thinking about this for awhile now...(tons of book stuff in this entry if you can be patient....)

2004

In 2004 I want....
1. to be happier...safer...calmer
2. a new laptop to replace the old one...actions speak louder than words and I want to see "i'm sorry...here's the replacement"
3. to find time to read more, laugh more, live more, dream more
4. more trips to the beach with that quilt
5. more awesome finds at thrift shops
6. a cooking class, I want to learn more, enjoy more
7. a class at a gym, I want to be more but weigh less
8. a better financial plan, a budget whereby I can save some money
9. more time with my son, less time arguing about more time with my son, less arguing about my son
10. less anger, more peace
11. more time spent listening to music

Highlights of 2003

1. My son doing well despite it all....
2. Rick....he's the biggest thing that happened in '03
3. getting to know his family....I like 'em even when he thinks I don't
4. Chloe....Chloe is the cats meow for a doggie ;-)
5. Moving...just a few times....
6. New truck! :-)
7. New life! 8-)

Things I have missed in 2003

1. baking cookies (note to self...buy some cookie sheets!)
2. BraN... (another note...write him an email...tell him)
3. Being happy with my job. (note to self - buy sunday paper...must read classifieds)
4. eggnog on Christmas...I forgot the eggnog damnit!
5. making latte's in my own machine

Top Ten Goals
1. lose weight...this really shouldn't be number 1 ...because it's not detrimental to my happiness that my ass shrinks
2. avoid mean people...because mean people suck!
3. make mr doctor man more of a priority...he makes me a happier girl in the end
4. ignore ex...he's not worth getting frustrated over
5. apply for governments "poor pity me I'm a single mommy" grants and enroll in college, afterall other's who were more fortunate used Uncle Sam to their benefit before me.
6. Read more books, I loved that year I read 52 books. It was great.
7. Reply to those great emails I get...ignore the nasty msgs with a passion!
8. finish my novel, or at least chuck it once and for all and start over with a newer bigger better version.
9. let my hair grow long again
10. hug my son more than ever...remember time flys by too fast

Top Five Big Items I must Purchase or Obtain in 2004

1. good digital camera
2. laptop
3. bookshelves...gosh I want some new bookshelves soooo badly
4. a new Sony Walkman
5. a receiver to replace the non-working one I chucked but haven't had for over a year now
oh and then there's bonus #6
6. new bedding, pretty bedding, floral and feminine and yah....must buy.

Top Five Small Items must purchase

1. new replacement ink cartridge for my Dr. Grip pen. _or_ just chuck it and buy a new one
2. a garden hose to clean the patio with
3. patio lights...something to make it pretty
4. subscription to Cooking Light, Poets&Writers, and McSweeneys.
5. new toenail polish...lotsa colors too

Top Five Most Creative People of 2003

1. My pal, Micheal E. Mustizer who wrote, filmed and produced Two Days with Juliet in 2003. Way to go my friend!!! You rock!!!! Read about it at www.xanga.com/luthien (me too lazy to linkie)

2. Paul Westerberg (yah Mr. Mustizer beat out Paul this year) for releasing two... count em...two more CD's that both kickass!!!

3. This girl...http://metalheart.diaryland.com. Her words are eyecandy. Hell if I ever know exactly what's going on in her life...but it doesn't matter. It's great.

4. Andrew Fox, he's the dude that wrote Fat White Vampire Blues
and....
5. Bucky. He's the kid that made a white snowman with a purple scarf for my tree, the same kid that made me a bracelet all by himself, made me a half finished Nagle'esque painting, a painted fat chef for my collection and countless other lovelies I treasure.

Top Five People I am Grateful for

1. Bucky
2. Rick
3. Paul Westerberg
4. Bry
5. Chloe (she thinks she's a person....c'mon it counts..)

Top Five People I hope to hear from more in 2004

1. my sister Tracy
2. my favorite author, Tod Goldberg
3. my next to favorite new author friend, Allison Burnett
4. my Engerlannnnd pal BraN...we've both had busy years I think
5. Dan
6. Sandy...last but not least..miss chatting

My 2003 Book's....
Top Books I read like they were crack coccaine and I couldn't get enough

1. Casa Rossa - Francesca Marciano

This book is lovely. The images, the old house it takes huge part in. The voice. The tone. I loved it. I read it in a mere two days and I licked my lips wanting more.

2. I don't know how she does it - Allison Pearson

This book was one of those brit-lit type books, but I loved it all the same. Again, I read it while swimming, laying in the sun and ...it just kept my interest like few books can do. Is it life shattering stuff??? Nope. But I liked it all the same.

3. Evening News - Marly Swick

This book made me cry way too many times, but I was right there in it the entire time. I will always remember the characters and for that...it rates!

4. The Pact - Jode Picoult

Lifetime made a crap movie about it. I read it in 3 days and I loved it. It's well written. Kept my interest and made me stop and think a lot. Some nice plot turns that make you think you expected...but wait...you didn't expect THAT!

5. Comfort Woman - Nora Okja Keller

This book was sad. But this book kept me too. I was into the main character and couldn't believe some of the things I was reading. I bought this at a thrift store for $2 and almost went back to pay them more. IT was a steal for $2. One day people...I read this one in one day.

6. The Territory of Men - Joelle Fraser

This is a memoir. Never heard of the author. Didn't pre-read 20 pages in the store. Bought it purely on "lets take a chance" and the kewl cover. This book taught me that we are a product of the very childhood we hate. We are...even if we deny that we are. Again..worth my money...read it in two days.

7. Save Karyn - Karyn Boznak

Yah...I bitched about the website savekaryn.com and then I bought the book. I hid it in my backpack and never admitted to anyone that I read it. I think she's a twit...but she made me laugh, she made me want to wring her stupid neck....and she made me READ HER BOOK. Kudos to her for getting out of debt creatively. It's not her fault there are idiots in the world that will send a pretty girl some cash to pay off her bills....is it??

8. Fat White Vampire Blues - Andrew Fox

This book rules. Pure and simply rules. I remember it from sentence one to last sentence and its been months since I read it. Jules Duchon is up there in my category of great characters and I hope this writer writes more stuff for me to cream my literary jeans about.

9. The Journey from Abandonment to Healing - Susan Anderson

Recommended to me by Mr. ShrinkyDink and what a good recommendation. This book...I bow down to Ms. Anderson in gratitude.

10. Boundaries in Dating - Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

Again a shrinky told me to read this. I've read half. And I should read the other half, because half of me has changed and the other halfs waiting.

11. I'd Rather Laugh: How to Be Happy Even When Life Has Other Plans for You - Linda Richman

This book, I just bought it one day. I remember it. I learned from it. I laughed with it. Great self-help for those that want to help self.

12. Caramello - Sandra Cisneros

Love love love.....I just loved it. I later put two and two together and learned that I own her poetry book called "Loose Woman" that I dogeared a few years back. I liked her then...didn't remember it now...and now...it all makes sense.

13. Everything is Illuminated - Jonathan Safran Foer

I liked this book. It got mixed reviews, but I liked it. I almost didn't buy into it...I'm glad I read it.

14. Generation x - Karen Karbo

Probably no one's ever heard of this book, but it made me laugh at the beginning of 2003 about my impending divorce, and for that Ms. Karbo should be sent a Hershey's chocolate bar or something. She has a new book just out...I'm curious.

15. Christopher - Allison Burnett

I liked this book for two reasons. I have had a deeply self rooted belief that gay men are more honest then straight men. And when reading the voice of the main protagonist I realized that gay men are the same as me...the straight girl. I have more in common with them than I think. We all (as in human beings) sometimes fall for that one person who intrigues us...who makes our world tilt on a new angle and even when it's a hopeless falling, one that might just cause us to crash. We still do it because love is a mystery and we cannot bend it or mold it to make love happen where it will never. Besides, I won't lie...while Mr. Burnett has never come to my house for dinner, I'd certainly love to have him over, because he's not one of those stuffy "look at me now" types at all. Theres my two reasons to love this book. 1. I'm no different than anyone else. 2. love is love no matter the age, color, preference, style or season.

The Following Books are Books I bought and for whom still have their bookmarks sticking out about 20 to 30 pages in....waiting for my hopeful return.

1. Quietus - Vivan Schilling

Great book cover...great premise...I loved it for 30 pages then it got all weird on me and I haven't gone back. I might be missing something..maybe someday.

2. Neverwhere - Neil Gaiman

Say what? A talking mouse? A girl from nowhere? I'm already lost. I kept feeling like I was missing something or something wasn't clicking. I'm on page 78 and then I never went back.

3. You shall know our velocity - Dave Eggars

Ok...so I read halfway and I stopped. I don't know why. I haven't gone back. I don't know if I will. I shouldn't have to convince myself to keep reading, and I shouldn't be a hypocrite when I have this book on my own damn website...but c'mon...what is this with me getting bored of a book like this???

4. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle - Haruki Murakami

This book is great...so why'd I lose steam on page 100 exactly?? I don't know. And now its been 3 months or more and I think I'd have to almost start all over to get back into it. I read a blog somewhere else online whereby the writer loves this book and proclaims about it and yet....I can't finish it...YET!

5. Interpreter of Maladies - Jhumpa Lahiri

After much ado about this book, I snagged a copy at a used bookstore. I've read up to page 88 and this isn't so bad since this is a stories compilation book, but again...got bored with her style and voice. Didn't keep me. Someday I'll finish just to be finished and say I read it. Maybe.

6. The Corrections - Jonathan Franzen

Ok...so I bought it because of the big hubabaloo over it with Oprah but I haven't read it yet. I know I started but there's no bookmark to say where I stopped. It's probably hopeless...but I might someday have a housefire and all my other things might burn and this book might be all there is to read during a power outage shortly thereafter...so...I still have it.

and drumroll please...the top book I can't seem to ever get through award goes to....

Trainspotting - Irvin Welsch OMG it's a nightmare for me.

Furthermore, why did I ever purchase Infinite Jest - David Foster Wallace. I knew I'd never get over feeling too daunted to try. He should have released that book in volumnes...a few at a time.

Lastly....the books on my nightstand that I'm currently taking a bite out of...

1. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

Haven't even started. Just bought it for $1.98 at a thrift store and I have a feeling once I start I won't want to stop. I need a free day to work at it.

2. Waking the Dead - Scott Spencer

Also...recently purchased new. Found out later it's signed by the author who made a trek to the local bookstore 3 years ago. Of course ...3 years and no one else bought it??? hmmm.... loved the movie... Have read Endless Love so...it's probably next.

3. Without Reservations - Alice Steinbach

I love travel memoirs. Traveling without moving. I love it. This book is so far great. I'm on page 134 and will finish this one.

4. Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides

Haven't even started. Hope I do. Hope I like it.

5. Blackbox, a novel in 840 Chapters - Nick Walker

The uniqueness of 84 chapters in one book??? I had to have it. Haven't started yet.

6. The Golems of Gotham - Thane Rosenbaum

I started..I stopped...I want to get into this novel, but I haven't yet.

7. Bee Season - Myla Goldberg

I read half of this book in the bookstore while telling myself that I couldn't buy this book, it's so overdone and over recommended. Then I snuck up to the counter with shifty eyes looking around and bought it anyways. I will finish.

8. Undressing the Moon - Tammy Greenwood

Bought it just because of the cover. (previously discussed here in my diary) Haven't read a sentence yet. Will.

9. Flinch - Robert Ferrigno

I've read about 100 pages of this. So far so good. I would love to have that last name. Kristy Ferrigno. Yah I be liking that.

10. Accidents in the Home - Tessa Hadley

Saw something new in the bookstore, something I've never heard of. Bought it. Haven't started.

11. Posession - A.S. Byatt

Bought from ebay for cheap'ay and have't read'ay yet'ay.

12. My 'Dam Life - Sean Condon

Funny funny funny. This is a memoir about living in Amsterdam with his wife. I'm on page 121 and this is the greenest funniest shit I've read in years. I love it. I'd send Mr. Sean Condon some chocolate too if I had an address. Ohhh I just glanced in his book and his email address is in there. I'm gonna go write to him.....right now...


Books I'd love to see one day so I could buy them and love them

1. Cigar Technique - Bill Clinton

2. Nobody - Diaries of Paul Westerberg - Paul Westerberg

3. Top Ten reasons why everyone else thinks I'm funny when I'm not - David Letterman



and since I Live or Die by this yearly list that Tod Goldberg puts together here's his top ten books of the year....(I will be purchasing them very soon!!!)

Tod Goldbergs Top 10 books

1. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon. The most inventive and ultimately endearing novel in recent memory.

2. The Fortress of Solitude by Jonathan Lethem. A novel that heralds Lethem's arrival as one of America's very best.

3. The Los Angeles Diaries by James Brown. A tragic and searing memoir of loss, addiction and living (again) by one of the best writers working today.

4. Moneyball by Michael Lewis. An inside look at how the Oakland A's have changed the face of baseball.

5. The Laws of Evening by Mary Yukari Waters. An elegant and moving collection of short fiction.

6. I Am Not Jackson Pollock by John Haskell. Is it fact? Is it fiction? Is it both? A bizarre and brilliant work.

7. Stiff by Mary Roach. Being dead never seemed so cool.

8. The Lucky by H. Lee Barnes. Las Vegas already knows about H. Lee Barnes. It's time the rest of the country figured it out.

9. Safe in Heaven Dead by Samuel Ligon. The best crime novel you didn't read this year.

10. In My Mother's House by Margaret McMullan. A tragic novel of obsession and memory centering on one family's life during World War II.