PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

3 entrys about the same fuckstick

Thursday, Apr. 08, 2004
"Friendship does not mean the same thing to them. They'll use the word love a lot, but they really don't know what love means. They've never properly experienced it," he said.

The above statement completely puts so many pieces of an unsolved puzzle together. He’s truly a messed up person and in effect I was as messed up to allow him into my life. This is a fearful realization. The things we ourselves allow to enter into our circle. I feel relief and a greater understanding. And the bottom line is he will never change. I cannot change him, the new “she” cannot change him and in fact she’s in the honeymoon stages of his wonderful personable side, wait until she wakes up one morning to see him rivaling through her wallet, selling her things…all in the name of his immediate self gratification. There are so many aspects to all of this information that relieves my mind from all of those “if I had just done this…..” and “if I had just done that…” notions I always had.

Those thoughts are gone. Completely gone. Regardless of my actions, the marriage and that man were doomed to a lifetime of inadequately processing wrong and right in this world, as most of us know it. I always thought of that word “psychopath” as a mean derogatory name calling type of word. I was clearly wrong about that. He is truly a psychopath in every sense of the definition and terminology. My psychiatrist once told me he was narcissistic. I thought that was a very accurate definition of who and what my ex is. When you put it all together, I was once married to a psychopathic narcissist.

No fucking wonder I struggle to be well.

nar·cis·sism (när s -s z m) also nar·cism (-s z m) n.

1. Excessive love or admiration of oneself. See Synonyms at conceit.
2. A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.
3. Erotic pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one's own body or
self, especially as a fixation on or a regression to an infantile stage of
development.
4. The attribute of the human psyche charactized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits.




After 3 entries...I'm done with this subject.
9:08 a.m. ::
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