cluttering the net since 2001

Before... - poem

Tuesday, Feb. 19, 2002


All you do is confuse me
I find my path
Head always down
Staring at the perfect lines

On the road ahead
Your directions
Just abuse me

I’m going somewhere
Away from nowhere
And then there you are


And my map scorches
My hands
Through my bloody chest
My heart seeps its beat
A lame bird
Flying away
On your wire
I lost my flock

And I am lost, true
Inside the “without you”
Lost even with you
I’ve lost me too
For I doubt you

My lines are squiggly
Despite and in spite of you
With my wings I just want
To fly far away from this sky blue

This time I’m turning
About face
This time it is me
Strongly standing
But do you see?
I am not the one
That you will gallantly

And all your brutal lines
That deface me
I will run from every
Chase called you

You, who don’t deserve me
Or preserve to be
Anything worth touching
Or entrusting
My heart to
I now see

I will surely miss you
Those moments that made
The two that was “us” smile through
But you bent those
Around something else
That happened more
Than pain usually should do

Something sad
And cruel
I’ve had too much
And not enough of

Have I had
Please I have had
Surely I have been
Sad ….so I’ve sadly had
Enough of you

Tears and years and
Tears and then some more
I’m tired of being a
Your emotional toy
Your plaything whore

I’ll write my novel
You’ll be the villain
I will write words around
Your neck, a lace to strangle you
Letters that entangle true
The ugliness that I hate about you
The hardcore brutal mess
That makes me hurt the way
You intend to do

I’ll battle that
Inner fight
But in the end you will be
More wronged
Than I will ever be alright

I’m back
You’re forth
I want it all…

I don’t want your “nothing”
I want a storybook love
That you were never cast for

Frame of insane
I crashed it to the floor
Shattered dreams in pieces
Nothing more

Leave me alone
I’ll find the me
That I was better at being

Before this
Before you

Long before…
Everything that you
Fucking do to me

I want it to be
What it was before you
Before I could see
Before just before….
When I was enough
Being me

3:52 p.m. ::
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