PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

I'm pregnant...like a pause...

Monday, Apr. 22, 2002
Ok this conversation proves two things. He�s with a girl that doesn�t have her two kids but told me I was horrid for not having my son. And I changed that rather quickly myself. As far as he knows I am living on my own and have my son with me. And am dating David. I really need to write a book�..read this shit�.total fiction on my part except for my opinions about his �new� girlfriend!

PoeticaL: <---wondering if that 9 o'clock rule is still in effect....
�him�: no
�him�: i gave up that website
PoeticaL: kewl
PoeticaL: i have something to tell you
PoeticaL: there was a knock on the door today at work
PoeticaL: standing behind the door........
PoeticaL: DAVID!!!!!!!!!!!
�him�: he came back
�him�: they kicked him out
PoeticaL: nope
PoeticaL: didn't kick him out
�him�: did he change his mind
PoeticaL: *shrugs*
�him�: yes or no
PoeticaL: he said "you can't be gone....you just can't be we gotta figure something else out"
PoeticaL: :-D
�him�: told ya
PoeticaL: you didn't tell me shit
�him�: last night
�him�: if he cared he could work it out
�him�: if he didnt then he wont
PoeticaL: well.....he must
�him�: but everything was there to make it possible
�him�: now stick it
PoeticaL: <-----knew there was no way any man could forget her oral skills
�him�: whatever hehe
�him�: did you swallow
PoeticaL: lol whatever I did worked
�him�: i did worked.......what fuck kind of english is that
�him�: espanol stupido puta
PoeticaL: lol
PoeticaL: say whatever you want
PoeticaL: I'm too happy
�him�: im glad for ya
�him�: alteast he aint half as slimy as i thought
PoeticaL: haha PoeticaL: fuck you PoeticaL: oops
PoeticaL: fuck you sir!
PoeticaL: +lol
�him�: he went from a slimebag to a toad
�him�: quite a step up
PoeticaL: he's not a toad
PoeticaL: he loves me
�him�: loves
�him�: dont go quite that far
�him�: not yet
�him�: yesterday it was over today its love
�him�: gimme a fucken break
PoeticaL: he told me
PoeticaL: I said "why'd you come here?"
�him�: no gimme a puke bucket
PoeticaL: he took my hands and pulled me outside and said "cause I love you" and kissed me
�him�: awwwwwwwwww
�him�: <------barf
PoeticaL: <---holds finger up to screen
�him�: he came back
�him�: but its not love yet
�him�: too early
PoeticaL: well I think he thinks he loves me
�him�: no way
PoeticaL: *shrugs*
PoeticaL: he said it
�him�: too early
PoeticaL: he came after me
�him�: one fuck doesnt concieve love
PoeticaL: one?
�him�: ok 2
PoeticaL: 2?
PoeticaL: hahahahahahaha you sad man
�him�: what did you do fuck and fuck and fuck
PoeticaL: nunya
�him�: i need to make some calls
PoeticaL: k bye
�him�: i put so far 47 ppl on the books this month
PoeticaL: KEWL!
�him�: you know how fucken much money that is
PoeticaL: a gozillion dollars?
�him�: close
PoeticaL: good
PoeticaL: you're gonna get married and have tons of kids soon
�him�: but with my consulting bus. im starting i wanna make 500k
�him�: no lindas tubes are tied
�him�: so you can fuck and fuck
�him�: and never worry about it
PoeticaL: well...
PoeticaL: David came back for a reason
�him�: yes
PoeticaL: woah wait
�him�: he was horney
PoeticaL: she's fixed?
PoeticaL: no kids with her?
PoeticaL: no kids?
�him�: no her tubes are tied
PoeticaL: wow
�him�: not fixed
PoeticaL: well you know what i mean
�him�: wasnt spaded
PoeticaL: why'd she do that?
PoeticaL: does she have kids?
�him�: yes
PoeticaL: OMG you're dating a girl that can't get pregnant?
PoeticaL: <----------jaw drops
�him�: but they stay with her x
PoeticaL: why?
�him�: shes divorced for 4 years now
�him�: he owns a bus.
PoeticaL: why doesn't she have her kids?
PoeticaL: why? why? why?
�him�: let the fucken brats stay with daddy
�him�: and you shuddup
PoeticaL: nope
PoeticaL: I'm not shutting up
PoeticaL: what kinda mommy doesn't want her kids?
�him�: shut the hell up
PoeticaL: I tryed it
PoeticaL: it didn't work
�him�: hey her kids stay with her off and on
PoeticaL: it sucked
PoeticaL: ok ok
PoeticaL: none of my business
PoeticaL: besides
�him�: hes a prick
PoeticaL: I have something to tell you
�him�: yes none of your fucken business
PoeticaL: sure..leave your kids with a prick
PoeticaL: bad bad bad thing
PoeticaL: I did that too
�him�: whatever
�him�: hes a good dad
PoeticaL: I changed my mind fast
PoeticaL: just a prick the rest of the time?
�him�: a fuck for a father
�him�: yes
�him�: you got it
PoeticaL: good dad's aren�t pricks ever
PoeticaL: good people are good
PoeticaL: always good
PoeticaL: not sometimes pricks
�him�: they can love their kids and be a prick in a relationship
PoeticaL: I didn't leave my kid with a prick
PoeticaL: true on your last statement
�him�: ya hes a prick
PoeticaL: but anywaysssssss
PoeticaL: I have something to tell youuuuu
�him�: i need to go
�him�: hurry
PoeticaL: are you sitting down?
�him�: yes
�him�: a new exec chair i bought tonite
PoeticaL: and by the way...that's her business and I haven't judged ..just was asking
PoeticaL: k?
PoeticaL: her life........up to her
PoeticaL: ok
PoeticaL: my news
PoeticaL: I'm pregnant
�him�: ya right
PoeticaL: I am
�him�: get real
PoeticaL: I am
�him�: thats the fucken worse thing that you can be
PoeticaL: gee thanks
�him�: you have enough shit without adding to it
PoeticaL: shit happens
�him�: not with a condem it doenst
�him�: doesnt
PoeticaL: *shrugs* yes it does
�him�: your not even divorced yet
PoeticaL: *shrugs*
�him�: stupid
PoeticaL: nope
PoeticaL: a child is never stupid
�him�: Ok whatever i need to go
PoeticaL: k
�him� signed off at 8:14:01 PM.


I�m not pregnant and �him� is NOT the guy I thought he was. Apparently if you live close enough to �him� to �so you can fuck and fuck and never worry about it� then its ok if you�re not morally up to his standards. Get for real! He�s pathetic. I think I�m gonna go call him and tell him the truth about everything and lay it all to rest. Be done once and for all�because�.it�s the right thing for me a �good� person to do.

One last comment �.he told me I was fucked up for leaving my son but now he's currently dating a chick who's TWO kids live with their father!?!?! Isn't it weird what people will say is unacceptable until they're getting some pussy...then they change their minds? Hypocritical �him�! Fuck him!!!! And not to forget the lovely comment "let the fucken brats stay with daddy". What a total prick. These two things have cured me of every last drop of good feeling leftover in my cup. I hope.....

Today right after work I talked to someone that I know loves me�.I cried all over him and he never faltered. I don�t think there�s ever been�. Well�..it changed something inside of me. I realize that when someone truly cares for me I can speak freely and honestly. I�ve never lied to you my seahorse friend. Never. And now I know why. Unconditional love is a beautiful thing. And you�re friendship is the only thing that�s kept me sane. The one solid thing�.always. Thank you are the only two words I can think of tonight and they don�t seem like enough.

-PoeticaL

Ok ok�so I sat and thought about it and had to say something�.. PoeticaL: you told me not to leave my kid......that that was a bad bad thing and I now know it woulda been....but it's ok that she leaves two behind? get pissed if you want but I think that you've simply lost your mind or something
�him�: shes not leaving anything behind
�him�: they always been with their father
PoeticaL: she left them behind at some point
�him�: he owns a successful bus. and they also come over to her house
�him�: go find something to do
PoeticaL: can't do that if she moves
�him�: shell only be 3 hours away
PoeticaL: 3 hours is far when a kid has an accident
�him�: hows 2000+ miles
�him�: i call that far
PoeticaL: 3 hours....2000+ miles...all far
PoeticaL: my son is down the hall...that's NOT far
�him�: well lucky u
PoeticaL: not having your kids makes you one thing
PoeticaL: SELFISH
PoeticaL: or
PoeticaL: STUPID
PoeticaL: get pissed if you like...I'm sure you will
�him�: unfortunately if she wants to have a life she needs to make decisions
PoeticaL: but I'm saying what I think
�him�: you dont know the half of it
PoeticaL: so what
�him�: you dont know enough to think
PoeticaL: i know enough to know i went and got my kid back after two weeks
PoeticaL: not 4 fucking years
�him�: they been divorced 4 years
PoeticaL: and I have no family helping me
�him�: they seen their mom all the time
PoeticaL: not anymore
PoeticaL: sell the house...bye bye mommy
PoeticaL: and besides
�him�: y a it will work out
PoeticaL: what the fuck are you doing with a girl that can't give you a child?
�him�: live happy
PoeticaL: how long before you want one of your own?
�him�: too many things i wanna do yet
PoeticaL: that's good cause having a kid isn't gonna be one of em
�him�: not at the present momement no
PoeticaL: ok
�him�: if i wanted a kid youd be living with me
PoeticaL: ohhhhh now what the fuck is that supposed to mean?
PoeticaL: we're not talking about me
PoeticaL: we're talking about YOU
PoeticaL: and that's not true anyways
�him�: yes we are
PoeticaL: cause I was gonna leave him here
PoeticaL: you said no
�him�: thats right
PoeticaL: you said that I was a bad mother for that
PoeticaL: but she's not a bad mother?
PoeticaL: hypocrite!
�him�: nope
PoeticaL: yup
�him�: its different
PoeticaL: fucking hypocrite
PoeticaL: yeah it's different cause she already say "see ya" to her kids long ago
�him�: the kids do not live their mother
�him�: and they are teenagers
�him�: not 9 year olds
PoeticaL: teenagers still need their mothers
�him�: they havent been living with their mom
PoeticaL: I guess you're just fucking around with her til you want to have a child then you'll dump her and find a suitable incubator?
�him�: damn dont you pay attention
PoeticaL: I hear you
�him�: maybe i wont have a kid
PoeticaL: she dumped her kids already so why the fuck should you care?
PoeticaL: you not have a kid?
PoeticaL: well then everything i know about you was a lie
�him�: i like my life
PoeticaL: no �him� jr?
PoeticaL: ever?
�him�: theres too many things i wanna do
�him�: brb
�him�:not right now theres too many things i wanna do, see and be and a daddy aint one of them right now
PoeticaL: fine
PoeticaL: course you better start to date younger girls cause if you don't at some point you're never gonna be a father ever
�him�: then i wont be
�him�: it wont be end of the world
�him�: if God wanted me to have a kid i would already had one
PoeticaL: hope you think that in ten years
�him�: my kid is going to be my Corporation
PoeticaL: maybe that's the only father you're capable of being
�him�: maybe
PoeticaL: it's your life
�him�: yes it is and its looking pretty good this far
PoeticaL: then why do you give a fuck what I say?
PoeticaL: could it be cause I care about you and I'm concerned?
�him�: concerned is fine over concerned is wrong
PoeticaL: I said...fine it's your life. I just had to say something.
�him�: and so you did
PoeticaL: k I'm done ..I said it
�him�: noted......good
PoeticaL: this line you said "if i wanted a kid youd be living with me" is gonna bug me for a long time
�him�: shrugs
PoeticaL: i am beginning to hate that word
�him�: ya me 2
�him�: but you taught it to me
PoeticaL: its just what you're saying to me makes me realize that I don't know you...maybe I never did
PoeticaL: maybe you just painted a nice little picture
PoeticaL: maybe I just wanted to believe in you
�him�: believe what you want its a free country
PoeticaL: you don't have to be so callous
�him�: maybe you picked the wrong tree to get sap from
PoeticaL: lol
PoeticaL: apparently if a girl lives close enough to you to fuck and fuck and fuck then she can get the sap
�him�: and maybe i dont like getting the middle of rasing someone elses kid and dealing with all the shit that comes from the other side of the marriage
PoeticaL: you think you're not getting into that with her?
PoeticaL: guess what
�him�: nope its different
PoeticaL: she's got kids
�him�: ya but they stay with their dad
PoeticaL: and he left her ass and took her kids for some reason
�him�: ya its like this
�him�: he owns a business
PoeticaL: a reason she's not going to tell her new tree
�him�: she never could do a damn thing
�him�: he wouldnt let her
PoeticaL: so she left her kids?
�him�: tells her her place is in the home
PoeticaL: if she had two kids....her place isn't in your home without her kids
�him�: she cant provide for them lke he can
PoeticaL: ohhhhhhhh but when I said that you told me different
PoeticaL: and so did you're lovely friend Deb
PoeticaL: and besides
PoeticaL: that's total shit
�him�: this has been this way for over 4 years
PoeticaL: she has a job
PoeticaL: she can take care of her kids
PoeticaL: he'd have to pay child support
PoeticaL: I know
PoeticaL: YOU fucking TOLD ME
�him�: she didnt want that
PoeticaL: there's the word
PoeticaL: want
PoeticaL: she doesn't WANT her kids
�him�: she didnt want alomony
�him�: listen dip shit
PoeticaL: child support is NOT alimony
�him�: shes had it this way before i came along
PoeticaL: so that makes it ok?
�him�: im not fucken telling her what to do
PoeticaL: its ok that her life is fucked up and she's a bad mom if it was that way before you met her?
�him�: i dont tell her what to do
PoeticaL: you weren't telling me either
PoeticaL: but you still wouldn't let me
�him�: then what fuck is the fucken problem
�him�: you thing you fucken need to learn
�him�: YOU CANT COMPARE YOUR ASS TO EVERYONE ELSES
PoeticaL: she's a loser
�him�: JUST MAKE SURE YOUR ASS STAYS CLEAN
PoeticaL: or she'd have her kids
�him�: whatever
PoeticaL: and you can do better than a loser mom without her kids
�him�: i wouldnt go out with someone who had kids living with them
PoeticaL: then why'd you lead me on?
�him�: i didnt
�him�: when did i ever say take �bucky� and come live with me
�him�: when
�him�: well fucken when
PoeticaL: you said it all along in different ways
�him�: thats what you wanted but i never said it
PoeticaL: "you can do take care of the bubble gum machines for me"
PoeticaL: "you could go to school here"
PoeticaL: blah blah blah
PoeticaL: you led me on
�him�: no i never
PoeticaL: yes you did
PoeticaL: always
PoeticaL: always
�him�: and you lied to me a hundred fucken times
PoeticaL: "I told matt you were coming to see me today"
PoeticaL: "I'm gonna have an office on gulf blvd"
�him�: well we are working on that
PoeticaL: you led me on
�him�: in FL
PoeticaL: don't tell me that i dreamt it all up
PoeticaL: cause I didn't
�him�: medicaid been holding us up
�him�: i dont know what the fuck your point is here
�him�: exactly what is your objective bringing all this shit up
PoeticaL: I did everything you asked and you still found a reason for it to not work
PoeticaL: a reason that is now apparently not a reason with her
�him�: you have a man now go be with him
PoeticaL: that's not what we're talking about
�him�: im not gonna tell you to com ehere and then it dont work and im in a fuck situation
�him�: im not fucken stupid
PoeticaL: you'd be in a fucked situation if it didn't work? what would I be in? A bed of tulips?
�him�: you have to be able to date or "test the waters" cant just up and fucken move and think its going to be all groovy
PoeticaL: listen "dipshit" if you had feelings for me it woulda been different...all of this just tells me you never did and I was stupid for believing in you. Bottom line. I care for you far more than you've ever cared for me. This all upsets me cause I want better for you. I want better because I truly care about you just like I always have.
�him�: Dont fucken ever call me names and if thats how you feel then delete me from your list and toss my phone number away 2
PoeticaL: so you can call me dipshit but I can't call you one?
�him�: NO
PoeticaL: you did
�him�: i was never in your situation
�him�: i was making my own destiny you were looking for yours
PoeticaL: I'm not gonna argue with that
PoeticaL: but the fact remains...I wanted it
PoeticaL: you didn't
�him�: yes
�him�: thats right
PoeticaL: you didn't have to give me a bullshit excuse
PoeticaL: that's all I'm saying
�him�: i didn�t
PoeticaL: yes you did
�him�: maybe if we could of dated
�him�: it would been enough to tip the scale
�him�: but that wasnt in the cards
PoeticaL: <-----picks the cards up and throws them down on the floor "I didn't know this was a game to you!"
�him�: its not but you cant make a pie if you dont have the right ingredients
PoeticaL: well that just sucks and while I cry about it all you just go on with life
�him�: its better than crying
PoeticaL: you taught me how to want something more and then you taught me how much it hurts to want something more
PoeticaL: just do me one favor...don't accept less than what you should have
�him�: i wont
PoeticaL: all or nothing �him�
PoeticaL: remember?
�him�: yes
PoeticaL: good cause for a second there I was wondering
�him�: well dont
�him�: im on the phone now
PoeticaL: I'm not pregnant and there is no David
�him�: im sorry
�him�: bbl
8:34 p.m. ::
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