PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

I'm pregnant...like a pause...

Monday, Apr. 22, 2002
Ok this conversation proves two things. He’s with a girl that doesn’t have her two kids but told me I was horrid for not having my son. And I changed that rather quickly myself. As far as he knows I am living on my own and have my son with me. And am dating David. I really need to write a book…..read this shit….total fiction on my part except for my opinions about his “new” girlfriend!

PoeticaL: <---wondering if that 9 o'clock rule is still in effect....
“him”: no
“him”: i gave up that website
PoeticaL: kewl
PoeticaL: i have something to tell you
PoeticaL: there was a knock on the door today at work
PoeticaL: standing behind the door........
PoeticaL: DAVID!!!!!!!!!!!
“him”: he came back
“him”: they kicked him out
PoeticaL: nope
PoeticaL: didn't kick him out
“him”: did he change his mind
PoeticaL: *shrugs*
“him”: yes or no
PoeticaL: he said "you can't be gone....you just can't be we gotta figure something else out"
PoeticaL: :-D
“him”: told ya
PoeticaL: you didn't tell me shit
“him”: last night
“him”: if he cared he could work it out
“him”: if he didnt then he wont
PoeticaL: well.....he must
“him”: but everything was there to make it possible
“him”: now stick it
PoeticaL: <-----knew there was no way any man could forget her oral skills
“him”: whatever hehe
“him”: did you swallow
PoeticaL: lol whatever I did worked
“him”: i did worked.......what fuck kind of english is that
“him”: espanol stupido puta
PoeticaL: lol
PoeticaL: say whatever you want
PoeticaL: I'm too happy
“him”: im glad for ya
“him”: alteast he aint half as slimy as i thought
PoeticaL: haha PoeticaL: fuck you PoeticaL: oops
PoeticaL: fuck you sir!
PoeticaL: +lol
“him”: he went from a slimebag to a toad
“him”: quite a step up
PoeticaL: he's not a toad
PoeticaL: he loves me
“him”: loves
“him”: dont go quite that far
“him”: not yet
“him”: yesterday it was over today its love
“him”: gimme a fucken break
PoeticaL: he told me
PoeticaL: I said "why'd you come here?"
“him”: no gimme a puke bucket
PoeticaL: he took my hands and pulled me outside and said "cause I love you" and kissed me
“him”: awwwwwwwwww
“him”: <------barf
PoeticaL: <---holds finger up to screen
“him”: he came back
“him”: but its not love yet
“him”: too early
PoeticaL: well I think he thinks he loves me
“him”: no way
PoeticaL: *shrugs*
PoeticaL: he said it
“him”: too early
PoeticaL: he came after me
“him”: one fuck doesnt concieve love
PoeticaL: one?
“him”: ok 2
PoeticaL: 2?
PoeticaL: hahahahahahaha you sad man
“him”: what did you do fuck and fuck and fuck
PoeticaL: nunya
“him”: i need to make some calls
PoeticaL: k bye
“him”: i put so far 47 ppl on the books this month
PoeticaL: KEWL!
“him”: you know how fucken much money that is
PoeticaL: a gozillion dollars?
“him”: close
PoeticaL: good
PoeticaL: you're gonna get married and have tons of kids soon
“him”: but with my consulting bus. im starting i wanna make 500k
“him”: no lindas tubes are tied
“him”: so you can fuck and fuck
“him”: and never worry about it
PoeticaL: well...
PoeticaL: David came back for a reason
“him”: yes
PoeticaL: woah wait
“him”: he was horney
PoeticaL: she's fixed?
PoeticaL: no kids with her?
PoeticaL: no kids?
“him”: no her tubes are tied
PoeticaL: wow
“him”: not fixed
PoeticaL: well you know what i mean
“him”: wasnt spaded
PoeticaL: why'd she do that?
PoeticaL: does she have kids?
“him”: yes
PoeticaL: OMG you're dating a girl that can't get pregnant?
PoeticaL: <----------jaw drops
“him”: but they stay with her x
PoeticaL: why?
“him”: shes divorced for 4 years now
“him”: he owns a bus.
PoeticaL: why doesn't she have her kids?
PoeticaL: why? why? why?
“him”: let the fucken brats stay with daddy
“him”: and you shuddup
PoeticaL: nope
PoeticaL: I'm not shutting up
PoeticaL: what kinda mommy doesn't want her kids?
“him”: shut the hell up
PoeticaL: I tryed it
PoeticaL: it didn't work
“him”: hey her kids stay with her off and on
PoeticaL: it sucked
PoeticaL: ok ok
PoeticaL: none of my business
PoeticaL: besides
“him”: hes a prick
PoeticaL: I have something to tell you
“him”: yes none of your fucken business
PoeticaL: sure..leave your kids with a prick
PoeticaL: bad bad bad thing
PoeticaL: I did that too
“him”: whatever
“him”: hes a good dad
PoeticaL: I changed my mind fast
PoeticaL: just a prick the rest of the time?
“him”: a fuck for a father
“him”: yes
“him”: you got it
PoeticaL: good dad's aren’t pricks ever
PoeticaL: good people are good
PoeticaL: always good
PoeticaL: not sometimes pricks
“him”: they can love their kids and be a prick in a relationship
PoeticaL: I didn't leave my kid with a prick
PoeticaL: true on your last statement
“him”: ya hes a prick
PoeticaL: but anywaysssssss
PoeticaL: I have something to tell youuuuu
“him”: i need to go
“him”: hurry
PoeticaL: are you sitting down?
“him”: yes
“him”: a new exec chair i bought tonite
PoeticaL: and by the way...that's her business and I haven't judged ..just was asking
PoeticaL: k?
PoeticaL: her life........up to her
PoeticaL: ok
PoeticaL: my news
PoeticaL: I'm pregnant
“him”: ya right
PoeticaL: I am
“him”: get real
PoeticaL: I am
“him”: thats the fucken worse thing that you can be
PoeticaL: gee thanks
“him”: you have enough shit without adding to it
PoeticaL: shit happens
“him”: not with a condem it doenst
“him”: doesnt
PoeticaL: *shrugs* yes it does
“him”: your not even divorced yet
PoeticaL: *shrugs*
“him”: stupid
PoeticaL: nope
PoeticaL: a child is never stupid
“him”: Ok whatever i need to go
PoeticaL: k
“him” signed off at 8:14:01 PM.


I’m not pregnant and “him” is NOT the guy I thought he was. Apparently if you live close enough to “him” to “so you can fuck and fuck and never worry about it” then its ok if you’re not morally up to his standards. Get for real! He’s pathetic. I think I’m gonna go call him and tell him the truth about everything and lay it all to rest. Be done once and for all…because….it’s the right thing for me a “good” person to do.

One last comment ….he told me I was fucked up for leaving my son but now he's currently dating a chick who's TWO kids live with their father!?!?! Isn't it weird what people will say is unacceptable until they're getting some pussy...then they change their minds? Hypocritical “him”! Fuck him!!!! And not to forget the lovely comment "let the fucken brats stay with daddy". What a total prick. These two things have cured me of every last drop of good feeling leftover in my cup. I hope.....

Today right after work I talked to someone that I know loves me….I cried all over him and he never faltered. I don’t think there’s ever been…. Well…..it changed something inside of me. I realize that when someone truly cares for me I can speak freely and honestly. I’ve never lied to you my seahorse friend. Never. And now I know why. Unconditional love is a beautiful thing. And you’re friendship is the only thing that’s kept me sane. The one solid thing….always. Thank you are the only two words I can think of tonight and they don’t seem like enough.

-PoeticaL

Ok ok…so I sat and thought about it and had to say something….. PoeticaL: you told me not to leave my kid......that that was a bad bad thing and I now know it woulda been....but it's ok that she leaves two behind? get pissed if you want but I think that you've simply lost your mind or something
“him”: shes not leaving anything behind
“him”: they always been with their father
PoeticaL: she left them behind at some point
“him”: he owns a successful bus. and they also come over to her house
“him”: go find something to do
PoeticaL: can't do that if she moves
“him”: shell only be 3 hours away
PoeticaL: 3 hours is far when a kid has an accident
“him”: hows 2000+ miles
“him”: i call that far
PoeticaL: 3 hours....2000+ miles...all far
PoeticaL: my son is down the hall...that's NOT far
“him”: well lucky u
PoeticaL: not having your kids makes you one thing
PoeticaL: SELFISH
PoeticaL: or
PoeticaL: STUPID
PoeticaL: get pissed if you like...I'm sure you will
“him”: unfortunately if she wants to have a life she needs to make decisions
PoeticaL: but I'm saying what I think
“him”: you dont know the half of it
PoeticaL: so what
“him”: you dont know enough to think
PoeticaL: i know enough to know i went and got my kid back after two weeks
PoeticaL: not 4 fucking years
“him”: they been divorced 4 years
PoeticaL: and I have no family helping me
“him”: they seen their mom all the time
PoeticaL: not anymore
PoeticaL: sell the house...bye bye mommy
PoeticaL: and besides
“him”: y a it will work out
PoeticaL: what the fuck are you doing with a girl that can't give you a child?
“him”: live happy
PoeticaL: how long before you want one of your own?
“him”: too many things i wanna do yet
PoeticaL: that's good cause having a kid isn't gonna be one of em
“him”: not at the present momement no
PoeticaL: ok
“him”: if i wanted a kid youd be living with me
PoeticaL: ohhhhh now what the fuck is that supposed to mean?
PoeticaL: we're not talking about me
PoeticaL: we're talking about YOU
PoeticaL: and that's not true anyways
“him”: yes we are
PoeticaL: cause I was gonna leave him here
PoeticaL: you said no
“him”: thats right
PoeticaL: you said that I was a bad mother for that
PoeticaL: but she's not a bad mother?
PoeticaL: hypocrite!
“him”: nope
PoeticaL: yup
“him”: its different
PoeticaL: fucking hypocrite
PoeticaL: yeah it's different cause she already say "see ya" to her kids long ago
“him”: the kids do not live their mother
“him”: and they are teenagers
“him”: not 9 year olds
PoeticaL: teenagers still need their mothers
“him”: they havent been living with their mom
PoeticaL: I guess you're just fucking around with her til you want to have a child then you'll dump her and find a suitable incubator?
“him”: damn dont you pay attention
PoeticaL: I hear you
“him”: maybe i wont have a kid
PoeticaL: she dumped her kids already so why the fuck should you care?
PoeticaL: you not have a kid?
PoeticaL: well then everything i know about you was a lie
“him”: i like my life
PoeticaL: no “him” jr?
PoeticaL: ever?
“him”: theres too many things i wanna do
“him”: brb
“him”:not right now theres too many things i wanna do, see and be and a daddy aint one of them right now
PoeticaL: fine
PoeticaL: course you better start to date younger girls cause if you don't at some point you're never gonna be a father ever
“him”: then i wont be
“him”: it wont be end of the world
“him”: if God wanted me to have a kid i would already had one
PoeticaL: hope you think that in ten years
“him”: my kid is going to be my Corporation
PoeticaL: maybe that's the only father you're capable of being
“him”: maybe
PoeticaL: it's your life
“him”: yes it is and its looking pretty good this far
PoeticaL: then why do you give a fuck what I say?
PoeticaL: could it be cause I care about you and I'm concerned?
“him”: concerned is fine over concerned is wrong
PoeticaL: I said...fine it's your life. I just had to say something.
“him”: and so you did
PoeticaL: k I'm done ..I said it
“him”: noted......good
PoeticaL: this line you said "if i wanted a kid youd be living with me" is gonna bug me for a long time
“him”: shrugs
PoeticaL: i am beginning to hate that word
“him”: ya me 2
“him”: but you taught it to me
PoeticaL: its just what you're saying to me makes me realize that I don't know you...maybe I never did
PoeticaL: maybe you just painted a nice little picture
PoeticaL: maybe I just wanted to believe in you
“him”: believe what you want its a free country
PoeticaL: you don't have to be so callous
“him”: maybe you picked the wrong tree to get sap from
PoeticaL: lol
PoeticaL: apparently if a girl lives close enough to you to fuck and fuck and fuck then she can get the sap
“him”: and maybe i dont like getting the middle of rasing someone elses kid and dealing with all the shit that comes from the other side of the marriage
PoeticaL: you think you're not getting into that with her?
PoeticaL: guess what
“him”: nope its different
PoeticaL: she's got kids
“him”: ya but they stay with their dad
PoeticaL: and he left her ass and took her kids for some reason
“him”: ya its like this
“him”: he owns a business
PoeticaL: a reason she's not going to tell her new tree
“him”: she never could do a damn thing
“him”: he wouldnt let her
PoeticaL: so she left her kids?
“him”: tells her her place is in the home
PoeticaL: if she had two kids....her place isn't in your home without her kids
“him”: she cant provide for them lke he can
PoeticaL: ohhhhhhhh but when I said that you told me different
PoeticaL: and so did you're lovely friend Deb
PoeticaL: and besides
PoeticaL: that's total shit
“him”: this has been this way for over 4 years
PoeticaL: she has a job
PoeticaL: she can take care of her kids
PoeticaL: he'd have to pay child support
PoeticaL: I know
PoeticaL: YOU fucking TOLD ME
“him”: she didnt want that
PoeticaL: there's the word
PoeticaL: want
PoeticaL: she doesn't WANT her kids
“him”: she didnt want alomony
“him”: listen dip shit
PoeticaL: child support is NOT alimony
“him”: shes had it this way before i came along
PoeticaL: so that makes it ok?
“him”: im not fucken telling her what to do
PoeticaL: its ok that her life is fucked up and she's a bad mom if it was that way before you met her?
“him”: i dont tell her what to do
PoeticaL: you weren't telling me either
PoeticaL: but you still wouldn't let me
“him”: then what fuck is the fucken problem
“him”: you thing you fucken need to learn
“him”: YOU CANT COMPARE YOUR ASS TO EVERYONE ELSES
PoeticaL: she's a loser
“him”: JUST MAKE SURE YOUR ASS STAYS CLEAN
PoeticaL: or she'd have her kids
“him”: whatever
PoeticaL: and you can do better than a loser mom without her kids
“him”: i wouldnt go out with someone who had kids living with them
PoeticaL: then why'd you lead me on?
“him”: i didnt
“him”: when did i ever say take “bucky” and come live with me
“him”: when
“him”: well fucken when
PoeticaL: you said it all along in different ways
“him”: thats what you wanted but i never said it
PoeticaL: "you can do take care of the bubble gum machines for me"
PoeticaL: "you could go to school here"
PoeticaL: blah blah blah
PoeticaL: you led me on
“him”: no i never
PoeticaL: yes you did
PoeticaL: always
PoeticaL: always
“him”: and you lied to me a hundred fucken times
PoeticaL: "I told matt you were coming to see me today"
PoeticaL: "I'm gonna have an office on gulf blvd"
“him”: well we are working on that
PoeticaL: you led me on
“him”: in FL
PoeticaL: don't tell me that i dreamt it all up
PoeticaL: cause I didn't
“him”: medicaid been holding us up
“him”: i dont know what the fuck your point is here
“him”: exactly what is your objective bringing all this shit up
PoeticaL: I did everything you asked and you still found a reason for it to not work
PoeticaL: a reason that is now apparently not a reason with her
“him”: you have a man now go be with him
PoeticaL: that's not what we're talking about
“him”: im not gonna tell you to com ehere and then it dont work and im in a fuck situation
“him”: im not fucken stupid
PoeticaL: you'd be in a fucked situation if it didn't work? what would I be in? A bed of tulips?
“him”: you have to be able to date or "test the waters" cant just up and fucken move and think its going to be all groovy
PoeticaL: listen "dipshit" if you had feelings for me it woulda been different...all of this just tells me you never did and I was stupid for believing in you. Bottom line. I care for you far more than you've ever cared for me. This all upsets me cause I want better for you. I want better because I truly care about you just like I always have.
“him”: Dont fucken ever call me names and if thats how you feel then delete me from your list and toss my phone number away 2
PoeticaL: so you can call me dipshit but I can't call you one?
“him”: NO
PoeticaL: you did
“him”: i was never in your situation
“him”: i was making my own destiny you were looking for yours
PoeticaL: I'm not gonna argue with that
PoeticaL: but the fact remains...I wanted it
PoeticaL: you didn't
“him”: yes
“him”: thats right
PoeticaL: you didn't have to give me a bullshit excuse
PoeticaL: that's all I'm saying
“him”: i didn’t
PoeticaL: yes you did
“him”: maybe if we could of dated
“him”: it would been enough to tip the scale
“him”: but that wasnt in the cards
PoeticaL: <-----picks the cards up and throws them down on the floor "I didn't know this was a game to you!"
“him”: its not but you cant make a pie if you dont have the right ingredients
PoeticaL: well that just sucks and while I cry about it all you just go on with life
“him”: its better than crying
PoeticaL: you taught me how to want something more and then you taught me how much it hurts to want something more
PoeticaL: just do me one favor...don't accept less than what you should have
“him”: i wont
PoeticaL: all or nothing “him”
PoeticaL: remember?
“him”: yes
PoeticaL: good cause for a second there I was wondering
“him”: well dont
“him”: im on the phone now
PoeticaL: I'm not pregnant and there is no David
“him”: im sorry
“him”: bbl
8:34 p.m. ::
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