PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

Po and I don't mean ETICAL

Wednesday, Jun. 08, 2005
So tonight for some reason I checked….and…yah…

Po Bronson's book containing the hardcore story of my family...

…it comes out on December 27th so it won’t make me sad for Christmas…but it might just change my upcoming year…..because it’s so close to who I am…what I am…..it might rip me to shreds to have openly shared those things…and yet I don’t even know how the segment about me turned out….yet…

Surely you do but in case you don’t…..go back in the archives right

here...when he came to meet me and talk to me for his book...



When I think back to that day…I was so unsure about everything. I was only divorced about 6 months, trying to decipher how to make a step-family situation work…and not just work but woah what the hell is one supposed to be when you never had a normal family a day in your life?? I was not yet working where I work now and was not really sure about what I was going to do with the rest of my life (even though I did read that book by the same guy). I was trying so hard to be strong and together and with it and understand where I came from, what just happened to my life and find some path. But I was rather lost. A lot of my clarity came after a huge upheaval last July...after time alone...and after finding my intended path through my new employer and those opportunities to go back to school.

I think the three things I will forever remember about that day was how quickly he got to the guts of my story and had me crying and blubbering about things I had long since buried. He’s a great interviewer. I will forever remember the picture he carried in his notebook of he and his son both carrying large oversized teddy bears walking down a street in California. And I will never forget how humble of a person he was towards me. He didn’t relish in fame.

I write here often and have been doing so for a long long time despite the rude people that come tramp on my flower garden, or are they weeds.., and I document my days for anyone to view. But to rip your chest wide open and pour out the deepest things that hurt you and torture you for absolute public consumption in a book written by Po Bronson? What would possess anyone to do such a thing? I wanted to somehow affect someone else’s life because of the pain I have endured. I wanted someone else to know that even if your entire family forsakes you, dismiss you, never acknowledges you…you will survive…that is …if you decide you have no other choice.

That…and I certainly had a message I wanted to send to my absentee Mother. I haven’t spoken to her since April of 1991. I hope that people will read my story as sort of some homage to my father and I and what we forged…..I wanted it to be something I did out of respect for my love for him despite life’s failings and the disease of dysfunction.

When this book comes out it will have been nearly 15 years. I only ever wanted what we all want….to be loved….unconditionally…to be wanted…by the two people that caused me to exist. I really truly got half my wish..and really…that’s a lot more than some people ever get.

You can read more about Po’s new book and see a picture of it on his website www.pobronson.com!

writers note: he's far more handsome in person! :-)
10:13 p.m. ::
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