cluttering the net since 2001


Wednesday, Apr. 03, 2002
My life is pretty damned boring right now. There’s nothing interesting going on. So I’m going to ramble about my thoughts in the car on my way to work this morning.

I was thinking about accountability. I think I was doing so much better in certain areas of my life when I was talking to “him”. Because…he constantly asked me about things in my life that I was trying to rearrange and change. For one thing, I was doing better on my diet because he asked me how it was going. Asked me if I cheated on my diet… that sort of thing. Well of course I lied to him if I ate something bad, but it made me feel shitty to lie so I never ate anything bad. Now I have a snickers wrapper, about ten empty Starbucks cups, a bunch of sticky dairy queen napkins and an empty Spree candy box lying behind the backseat of my car. It was that pile of shit that made me stop and think about his affect on my life. The affect that he had was better than bad except for the emotional roller coaster part…that part was bad. But I miss that accountability thing he and I had. I miss it a lot. He used to ask me if I had read chapters of the computer books that I wanted to learn stuff from. He would make me feel guilty enough that I would pick up the book and read it. I learned HTML stuff because of him. I learned PowerPoint because of him. Well ok it wasn’t because of him, but it was because I would tell him how I was doing along the way…etc.

Fuck it’s hard to write about an emotional journey like accountability. But I never had that level of it with anyone before him and I doubt if I’ll ever have that again.

One thing…he told me that this new girl, Linda…he’s already on his way to straightening out her life, as he sees fit of course. Yeah, there’s a bad side to that accountability thing. I just remembered….

In the last 2 ½ weeks of eating whatever I want…I haven’t gained a pound back. I think emotional stress is the best diet ever! Even better than Dr. Atkins.

I have to learn how to be self accountable….*sigh*

I think I’ll just clean out my car and call it a day…..


What the world needs now is some answers to our problems,
We can't buy more time because our tender isn't valid,
What the world needs now is some accountability,
If your soul needs love you can get consoled by pity,

But faith alone won't sustain us anymore,
Faith alone won't sustain us anymore

-Bad Religion
9:30 a.m. ::
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