cluttering the net since 2001

ahhh weekend....

Monday, Apr. 08, 2002

I just had a very nice weekend. Friday night we went out to dinner as a family. We went to Hops and I had my favorite meal. Gold Coast Pasta. Mmmmmm yummy. We ate outside and “Bucky” read his Pokemon magazine the entire time. It’s awesome to see him finally showing an interest in reading. It makes a Mommy feel good.

Saturday we went and did the miniature golf thing. Let me just say I’m glad I’m a girl cause I suck at getting that damn thing in such a small hole. Husband won, “Bucky” came in second and I lost…yes I lost. Grrr.. But as a consolation prize I got to feed the baby alligators. Gross creatures….that ate this square red stuff. I have no idea what it was either.

I have gotten 3 or 4 emails from my friend BraN in England. He doesn’t know yet that I moved back in with husband. I have a feeling it’s going to hurt him. He was so happy when I moved out. He was calling me every other night talking to me about coming to England. He really wanted me to go see him. I really wanted to go see him too. It’s just so damned expensive to go to England that its something I would have to save and plan for for a long long time. And well..now with the turn of events….

I just don’t know how to tell him. He’s been trying to call me at a phone number that isn’t any good anymore but hasn’t been turned off yet. Very sad… I’m such a total shit for not telling him. But I don’t have Internet service at home yet and haven’t really had the chance to sit down and think it through and do it. I have been avoiding it. I just don’t know how to tell him. SO I just haven’t. I got this email from him today..
From: BrandoN
To: poeticalgirl@hotmail.com
Subject: oi….what ya doing?
Date: Sat, 06 Apr 2002 19:27:23 +0100


I've tried calling u numerous times even emailing you more these days but you seem scarily busy...whats up?


*sigh*… I wish I was scarily busy…I’m just scarily scared to tell him cause I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Onto something else….I finished reading Miracle Man by Ben Schrank last night and plan to start reading The Lies That Bind by Edward Deangelo. A book I bought on Saturday afternoon at the big Barnes and Noble in Clearwater. We drove up there to do the miniature golf thing and then we went and did some shopping. I got some new sandals and some new socks and some Chai tea. “Bucky” got the kewlest little money bank that looks like and works like an ATM machine. Way kewl. Oh and the husband got two new pairs of shorts and he bought a blue Tommy Hilfiger t-shirt. He bought size medium and never tried it on. Well it fit him…but just fit. So I told “Bucky” to try it on. And guess what…it fit him pretty good so he got a new shirt! He wore it to school today with his big baggy shorts I got him and he looked so cute as I watched him walk away to the school. I need to get him some new sneakers soon. With kids, it’s always something.

I’m totally addicted to that Chai tea I bought already. It’s soooo good. If you’ve never had Chai tea, get some NOW!

Saturday night husband and I stayed up til almost 4 a.m. making love and talking. I bought new candleholders from Pier One for my apartment that I abandoned and they worked out so well for our bedroom. They give off this great moody light and he and I just lay around in bed for hours talking and being goofy just like we used to do a long long time ago. It felt awesome. I don’t know what happened to make us this way again. It seems like only shit things have happened between us for so long. But even throughout most of the shit that’s happened he and I always reverted back to each other. Now we’ve both figured out at the same time that what we truly want is each other. I love when things are like this between he and I.

Then yesterday he and “Bucky” went swimming and I stayed home and didn’t get a damn thing done. I just was stupid and picked up the phone and called “him”. Why I did this….I don’t know. Why it matters…I don’t know. But the entire conversation consisted of me telling lie after lie to him and fabricating an entire life that isn’t happening. I really should write that fiction book because I sure as hell told him a lie and a half of a story. *sigh* I don’t even know why.

Husband saw that I was on the phone and later asked me who I was talking to. I told him "him". He said, “why?” I said, “I really don’t even know.” And that was that. Pathetic on my part. Makes me want to puke. But "he" was telling me about a future business venture and I asked him if he can talk to this so called Linda about his ventures. He said, “no, she’s interested but doesn’t have that kind of intelligence to discuss ideas and plans with me.” I said, “you can’t be with someone that can’t understand that part of who you are.” He said, “yes I can, different people serve different purposes in our lives.” ….Interesting…what purpose does he or has he ever served in my life? Funny, I can’t think of a fucking thing! But I called him…..

I watched “Lolita” this weekend. That guy had the same sort of obsession with her that I have with "him". Only "he" is old. I’m gonna get that book.

By the way, the egg will never hatch cause that website went under….story of my life. My egg never hatches into a surprise, I just wait and wait and wait …believing something beautiful will happen….*sigh*

One last thing, Josh…I don‘t know if you still read my diary, but if you do …I miss you. I miss having our kind of conversations. I miss it a lot. And I haven’t forgotten all about you.


Tripping hard falling down onto the ground
Cause I can't stand up
And I can't fall down
Cause I'm somewhere in the middle of this
11:07 a.m. ::
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