cluttering the net since 2001


Sunday, Feb. 17, 2002
It’s a sunny Sunday and the skies are blue and all I feel is lucky and yet I can’t put my finger on it. I'm amazed that a thought of him....can make me feel this happy all over. I can’t quite figure out how to work through all the things that are about to happen. I just know that I have to open my mouth and make something happen. I want to be in NC. I want to wake up on a sunny day like this and smile with him. I know it’s not the brightest to think that I can run from one man to another. But I really don’t feel like I’d be doing that because my marriage has been a gaping whole of nothing for so long that it wasn’t even “him” that changed it. It was gone and over a long time ago. I just kept hanging on because of my fear. Fear is an ugly emotion that robs you of happiness.

Besides...."he's" been in my heart for so very long now. It didn't happen in a day...a week...a month....it's been 3 years. I'm sure. I know. (I know...I hear some groans from the peanut gallery)

I don’t know what he’s doing today…but I finally know that he will think of me. I know it as sure as I know my name. Finally….finally I get it. Maybe I needed to hear it….last night he told me…. “when are you going to figure it out?” I answered… “right now”. And some door deep inside me creaked open and I felt the breeze…


Wait, I thought I had this down
I built all my cages and my hide out
I covered all my bases
But you
You creep in like a whisper
I try not to listen but I hear you
I don't know just what it is you do
But do it again

I'm amazed
When push comes to shove what I'd give to you

I'm amazed
The walls that I wouldn't mind crashing through
And I'd do it for days and days

I'm amazed, I'm amazed

At all of the things I know you have done
'Cause this time I think we've really won
That tables have turned
Now I'm taking my hat off to you
You said 'we'll see'
But darling it's all clear to me

2:38 p.m. ::
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