PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

and so here i go

Wednesday, Aug. 13, 2003
This incident took place over ten days ago in another city. I have no way of tracing the location or exact time of the incident and in order for the state to do anything without this information I would have to then prove that he did it for gratuitous reasons meaning he did that in front of the child in order to "get off." I will not go and lie and say that was the reason when I know that it wasn't. The reason is the same reason we are divorcing. He's selfish and self-centered and thinks he can do anything without consequences. My son loves his father and does not wish for anything but for it to not happen again. I could be a bitch and file a restraining order and lie and say that I feel my son is being threatened, I could file for temporary custodial custody and go to court and simply tell the judge about his many and varied felonies from the last ten years, all of which were white collar crimes such as writing bad checks, embezzling money from his employer, credit card fraud...and I doubt that any court will refuse to grant full custody to me. In the end, my feelings of justification would wane quickly when my son looked at me and asked if he could then go and see his father, for whom he loves. I asked Bucky what he wanted me to do, I listened to him talk to me for hours about this incident, and collectively it was decided that he wanted to tell someone outside of the situation in hopes that his father would see the seriousness of how he felt about it and simply stop the behavior. This is not about one incident either. This is about flagrant sexual behavior on a daily basis that my son not only hears with his own two ears but is also told about prior to it happening. "Don't come in here, we're going to have sex." Being ten and told that??? This is just wrong and is that pure and simple. He is not in jail because I have no proof of the incident in question, no hotel receipts, no hotel name, no credit cards to trace, nothing. Nothing but a ten year olds deposition, and in a state where tens of thousands of children are molested, raped, sodomized, etc. The police just quite frankly are not interested in pursuing this matter and I have decided that my son's best interests don't include not having a father. I have also decided to take my son to a counselor who specializes in these sorts of things. If he/she advises me to do something else, there is a police report, and I will move in the direction that best suits the outcome then. I love my son, I do not wish harm on my ex, I hate him for the things he did to me, but I think that overall, when using proper judgement and conduct, he is a great father. This is a first time incident and he claims that he was not aware that it was a crime nor was he aware that his son was listening. Common sense would tell anyone not to engage in such activities in the presence of a child, awake or asleep. He has no common sense. If he did, he woudln't also believe that two people that cheat and lie to their own spouces, teach children to lie to conduct an affair for years, those two people would not believe that neither of them were ever going to cheat on each other again. I know that I am better off without his presence in my day-to-day life and I hope he finds whatever he needs to find to mature and do right with his life. My son loves him, I respect my son's wishes and will stand by him regardless. If he had done this locally, both he and she would be in prison right now. By the time I drug my son to Jacksonville, hunted around for evidence that is like looking for a needle in a haystack over a crime that at least the local police don't feel is violent or brutal enough to pursue in that way, it will be too late. In the meantime, his father and I have agreed to meet up before I return my son to him and sit down and discuss things in person. He is currently not in town to do so. My son is still simply stating that he only wishes for them to not have sex in his presence or when he is awake and he doesn't wish to "know about that yucky stuff." His father has also agreed that if our son decides he wants to come live with me he will pay child support, have visitation and we will work it out so that Bucky is happy. I have yet to know whether I can trust him or not, too much has happened. But I do not believe he did anything with intent to cause his child harm, he's just a jerk who doesn't think about what he's doing. After all if he had ever thought about it, he would have simply left me rather than involve my son, her son, and hurt so many people in the process. My son has asked that I don't sign the divorce papers simply because he doesn't want her to be his stepmother. I don't think I will ever think what he did or what any man does when they carry on with an extramarital affair is right. While I faltered for the last few years of my marriage and was unsure of how to cope, while I did things that now I wish I hadn't and now wish I could change, I never involved my son, I never asked him to lie for me, I never told him I was going to "get him a new Daddy." Nor did I ever convince him that marriage is something so un-valuable.

One last thing, had they arrested his father, I would not have placed his photo on the Internet to find ridicule in my own son’s father in such a way. I told my son the very day we spoke with the police that if he wanted to call his Daddy (who is again in Jacksonville…calling here with calling cards so I don’t know where he’s calling from…..) on his cell phone that he could. My intention is not to severe that relationship unless a therapist tells me it is harmful to do otherwise. My intention is to help my son deal with these things and be mentally well.

Relying on zoloft, coffee, few friends that can relate....believe me I know I don't want him to try to face it when he's my age....

I suppose I did something wrong by allowing my child to go on a trip with his father? Yah..there are those that will always find a way to find fault and point fingers when its not their life or child they are discussing.
5:29 p.m. ::
prev :: next