PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

and when he says that he does, what does it all mean to him

Friday, Aug. 23, 2002
t,

Tomorrowís finally Friday. I just found out Iíll have the house to myself this weekend. Well Bucky and I will that is. And thatís kind of a nice thing. But mostly my weekends consist of me sitting around looking for something to do, wasting too much time surfing the net and then being bored by it all.

So, I have decided to go out and really and truly hunt down a good track to walk and eventually run on. Thatís my one big goal for the weekend. I have tons of laundry to do, and the entire house could truly use a major overhaul. I used to clean up and keep up with things. When I lost my own house, then it just didnít seem to mean anything to me anymore to keep someone elseís house and property all nice. But I realize that I am living here and I see my surroundings and itís a given fact that your surroundings affect you. So this weekend Iím going to try to make things all nice somehow.

I want to go and rent this movie called Shallow Hal because my friend Bran keeps asking me if Iíve seen it yet. So I want to say ďyes..andÖĒ or whatever Iím going to say then and have him stop asking me everyday via email if Iíve seen it yet.

My yahoo instant messenger is still not working right. Itís really aggravating because 2 days ago everything was working just fine. I have tried all sorts of approaches and I hate to say this but I have exhausted everything that I myself know how to do. I have asked around and typical fashion everyoneís too busy having cyber sex to help me. The odd thing is thereís definitely something up with yahoo and the fact that they have upgraded and forced me to, makes me angry because everything was working just fine prior to these changes. Why do chat programs always think that to upgrade is such a great idea? Most of the time whenever a program I use upgrades, it doesnít tend to ever make me very happy.

To be honest though, I honestly never used yahoo until I met you. I had it on my machine and obviously had downloaded it and maybe utilized it once or twice, but it was never a program I logged into every day until I met you. So Iíve really only been using it since we met. My other programs are all working fine. But I think my major malfunction has something to do with Windows. I can never properly fix my system because I donít have a windows disc. My computer was built by a company I used to work for. I paid a ridiculously cheap and fair amount for my computer so itís hard for me to complain now. ButÖ I donít know. Itís upsetting that I canít get my cam to work on yahoo anymore. And none of the link stuff works. Like view profile for example. Sometimes I really hate computers.

There are moments when I really despise the Internet. Moments like when I have written all of these stupid words about stupid things and theyíre not workingÖ..I still just miss you.

Sometimes I wonder if its ok that I love you. If itís going to just break my heart someday when I canít have youÖ.

k


everytime I have written him an email or shortly thereafter...he shows up...odd

t: See it works still
me: omg
t: what
me: nothin..just it works
t: :-)
t: i cant stay for very long...
me: i know
t: about 15 minutes before shift change
me: i'm used to it
t: sorry babe..
me: for what
t: I try not to do that
t: just pop on of a minute that is
me: don't worry about that kinda stuff...its not important
t: shave about 5-10 minutes off the 10km today
t: :-)
me: congrats baby
t: thank you
me: welcome
t: :-)
me: see...you can do it
t: maybe..
t: I should be able to shave a few more minutes off
me: i'm sure you will...
t: we shall see
t: so what have you been up to?
me: messing with my pc....that's about it
me: i pretty much decided I hate it..I want a new computer
t: so do I babe
me: you want a new computer?
t: yep
me: the line forms after me
me: me first
t: LOL
me: well it does...
t: ok...
me: well I'll let ya go...since you're gonna have to go
t: ok ...thank you babe...
me: for what?
t: for understanding
t: :-)
me: always
t: so maybe I can catch you later
me: *shrugs* ya never know
t: :-)
me: lol
t: what so funny
me: nothing
t: ok
me: don't pay attention to me...I'm just all over the road tonight....blow it off
t: ok babe
t: no problem
me: good
me: i didn't mean anything bad by it
t: I know babe.
t: :-)
me: kewl
t: but I catch you later ok babe
me: ok
t: I love you
t: :-)
me: nah....ya just enamoured and think ya do
t: :-)
me: you really don't know
me: go to shift change...
t: ok babe I am going
t: love ya
t: :-)
me: see ya

For some reason I just am feeling bad about everything, and I donít even know why. Heís given me no reasonÖ.none. And I justÖdo. I just Ö..can you love someone youíve never touched? Met? Been with? Can you? And when he says that he does, what does it all mean to him? ... exactly?
12:47 a.m. ::
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