PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

answers

Thursday, Feb. 21, 2002

I wrote “him” this email and I think it pretty much says it all about what’s going on here….

Him,

Ok…this is not a big long sob email it’s just a long email…lol …just wanted to address some of the things you’ve been asking me about for so long.

Last night something about the conversation you and I had and have been having incited me to do something about stuff. We’re selling the house to an investor. The bankruptcy will then be dismissed although my name is being dismissed as we speak because he re-filed with his name only last month to buy time to sell. Bucky will be going with him but Husband said that didn’t have to be a permanent thing. He’s looking at a bungalow on the beach. I want to stay in the same area I am in right now. I’ll probably list Bucky as living with me so he can finish the school year out where he is right now. That way he can stay in Tae Kwon Doe and finish where he is. Then he’ll change schools next year if need be. Husband told me I can take anything that I want and that he would prefer for he and I to remain friends.

I asked him about divorce and the exacts because he had paperwork filled out prior to his leaving before. He said that as long as he and I are in agreement and go to some stupid class Florida requires we would be divorced within 90 days. He wants joint custody, no one paying child support and as for belongings I keep my car, he keeps his and I can have anything I want in the house because he could care less about any of it just so long as he can care for Bucky adequately. The only thing he asked me for was the laptop because he’s got all his work stuff on it. And he didn’t ask me for it, he just said “let me keep it ‘til I can get one..k?” He went on to say he’d pay for most everything for me to move including first and last months rent. He said he’d put his name on the lease if that was going to help me get into a place easier then he didn’t care. I believe that he and I do not hate each other; we have a bond of some sort cause we’ve been through ten years of stuff together. He said he just wanted me to be happy and he didn’t think he could do that because we’re too different and there’s too much bad water under the bridge.

He and I had a long talk. He asked me who you were. I told him a lot of stuff I haven’t told him before. But also told him that you and I were nothing more than friends, which is true. He flat out said, “If that guy cares about you then he’ll care about you 6 months from now.” And he has a pretty damn good point.

I got an application last night for the bookstore and I plan to look hard over the next week for something even though I’ll wait ‘til I am moved to take on another job. I want to get a part time job and work at night so that I don’t lose my mind looking at 4 walls for too long. I need to be busy doing something to help myself. I’m also back to thinking about a data entry job at night. I just want to work like an extra 20 hours a week. I don’t want to have too much time on my hands to mope around and stuff. And the more money I make the less fearful I have to be. I don’t want to blow all my school money on bills.

He told me he would teach me how to design trusses and get me a job at another ?#@) Lumber where he works if I wanted to. . If he learned how to do it, I know that I could! They need people like madly and I could make so much more money if I did that. So I guess I have lots of options. More than my fears make me think I do when I let them win.

I understand your need to move on and live your life. I’m not upset with you in the least. I think being told some of that stuff did make me want to take action. You mean a lot to me and I don’t want either of us to have hard or bad feelings and I don’t. I won’t lie I don’t want you to not be there in my life. But at the same time I see where you’re coming from and I do not want to be the thing that stands in your way. You’ve worked hard to get where you are and you should be at peace to enjoy it all.

I’ll always be in your corner and I’ll always be here for you. Thanks for always saying things in whatever brutal way you have to because it makes me open my eyes and see that I have to take action. Words are all so cheap….action….I need to take action once and for all. Not for anyone but me. I’m not dumping anything on you or even expecting a reply. I’m just answering your questions…. Selling the house to that investor will take about 60 days but I’m moving out first before him and Bucky. The reason he can help me is cause he’ll be living pretty much bill free for 2 months.

I have a plan…and some answers and know what? I feel better. Thank you!

Me

Oh….another thing….the 2nd Walking off the Pounds tape I got yesterday is the best one yet….thanks again. My legs are sore this morning… Oh…and *Delboy* wanted me to tell you “Thanks for making Kristy get off her ass and move on!” He’s taking me out tonight to dinner to celebrate…I haven’t seen him since he left and he said he’ll always be there for me as a friend if I need one. That’s pretty kewl to be told. I’m gonna be fine.

and there ya have it…he wanted answers and I am tired of not having them….so…I went and finally got some!
9:43 a.m. ::
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