PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

you can send anything you want baby

Wednesday, Aug. 14, 2002
Tonight I sat down and wrote ‘t’ an email because I hadn’t heard from him all day and I just missed him. Just missed knowing that he was ok over there. Just started to get an uneasy feeling….


t,

I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I don’t think you’re coming front today, and that’s ok but I still miss you. I thought I’d drop you a few lines to let you know that I was thinking about you.

I started to have a few mindless chats with very mindless people and then said forget it. Sometimes you’d rather not do that.

I wish I had something absolutely outstanding to say to you because then it would appear that I was absolutely outstanding myself. But mostly I don’t have much to tell. It was another typical day fighting off all the inner demons. And in the end, I’ll take my little bent up princess crown and set it beside me on the dresser before I crawl into dreamland.

I could start talking about the weather right about now. I could talk about how my shirt was sticking to my stomach on the way home from work. Yes it was that hot. But then you might know how desperate for thoughts I am right now.

I have a thousand unfounded things flying through my head. Pretty much …uh..yeah…

Love,
K

Right at the point where you hit send…..he messaged me..

t: :-)
me: heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
t: Morning baby
me: i was...um...
me: yeah...well..nevermind...
t: you were
t: ?
me: nuffin
t: going to bed?
me: nope
me: i was ...hey c'mere....I wanna hug you
t: what else?
me: nuffin
me: ;-)
t: and?
me: ;-)
t: what?
t: tell me?
me: what nothing
me: nothing to tell you
t: then what is
t: for?
me: nuffin
t: :-(
me: <----bites lower lip....
me: why you frowny?
t: you dont want to tell me
t: :-(
me: awwww
t: :-(
t: :-(
me: awww
me: no frowny!
t: <---wipes the tears from his eyes
me: i um.....
me: its nothing
me: did you sleep good?
t: nope...because you wont tell me
t: :-(
me: lol
me: ok ok
me: i wrote you an email
t: ok
me: but I didn't hit send yet
me: not gonna
t: why not?
me: nevermind that
me: talk to me
t: why not?
me: um....cause you'll think I'm lame
t: why?
me: nevermind..
me: just talk to me
t: send it...let me be the judge
t: ?
me: no
t: yes
me: but I changed my mind
t: then I am going to sit here and pout
t: :-(
me: teeeheee t: :-(
me: hi
t: :-(
me: you don't look pouty
t: :-(
me: you look....like...t
me: ;-)
me: stop that pouty face
t: ;-(
me: grrrrrr
me: ok me go to bed
me: bye bye
me: <----can't stop lookin' at “t” to go to bed
me: *sigh*
t: so what is it about?
me: nuffin
me: had to plug my cam back in...was printing earlier
t: *sigh*
t: so why wont you tell me?
t: ?
me: ok...
me: I"ll show ya how lame I am...
t: you are not lame
me: watch and see
t: <---watching and sees nothing
me: i'm gonna send it to ya
me: k?
t: ;-)
me: I was sitting there totally done looking at it wondering if I should send it ...delete it and go to bed....or just delete it and write something else....or what...and you showed up
t: ok
t: and....
me: and what?
t: just got here
me: yeah and then I said forget it
me: then you did frowny
me: I shoulda faked out better

(send above email…)

t: awww
t: that is so sweet
me: what?
t: why wouldnt you send that?
me: i dunno...makes me look needy or something
me: one day and I miss you?
t: and how many things have I sent you..
t: just because I hadn’t talked to you in a while?
me: i know baby..
me: i was gonna send it... I mean i was in my email writing...
me: then you showed up
t: :-)
t: thank you
me: for what?
t: but just so you know...
t: you can send anything you want baby...
t: ok
me: awwww
me: ok
t: you can send an email that says...
t: :-)
t: and that is it
t: and I am happy
me: awwww...
me: i just... I dunno.. I didn't want you to think that if I didn't hear from you I was gonna get all weirded out and not be able to handle it
t: why would I think that...
me: how do you tell someone that you miss them like crazy but that its ok too
t: it is ok..
t: because ...
t: I cant talk too long today
me: like if I say I miss you I don't want you to think I can't handle it or something
t: I would not think that
me: thats ok baby.. if you can't
t: yep..
t: I have to track down some hard drives for the ISYSCON
t: today
me: ok...are you ok?
t: yep...
t: that is why I got on here real quick..
t: to let you know that I wasn't dead or something
me: ya know that's the only thing all day I thought... is he ok..is he ok.... as long as your ok...
t: :-)
me: you're so sweet
me: tell ya what
me: from now on...
me: <--no hesitations anymore
t: :-)
me: if I think it...write it.....I'll send it
me: ok baby?
t: ok
t: :-)
me: I woulda....I"m pretty sure I was gonna
t: :-)
t: :-)
t: :-)
me: but then you showed up
t: see...
t: it always works right
me: but ya know what....
t: :-)
t: whats that love
me: i didn't want you to not hear from me.....
me: if I went to bed
me: I didn't want you to have nothing...like it didnt' matter to me
me: like I didn't miss you
me: like I didn't care
me: cause that's just not true
t: I know babe
t: :-)
me: but you wouldn't know if all you got was silence
t: yes I would
me: and I don't want you to ever have to wonder
me: well that's true cause I love you even if I can't tell you every day
me: ok?
t: ok
t: but i need to get going...
t: I am sorry that things are so busy today
me: I know... go ahead... do your stuff baby
me: no its ok...
t: and are you going to bed?
me: dont' apologize to me for these things
me: yes I'll go to bed
t: :-)
t: need some company?
me: not just some......just yours
t: awwww
t: :-)
me: eating jelly beans when you really want chocolate is a waste of mouth motion
t: LOL
t: right
me: i'm just glad you're ok... go take care of stuff....I'm fine
t: but I should have more time tomorrow to feed you chocolate
me: i'm fine even when I miss you like I miss you I miss you I miss you three times written...
me: ok?
t: I saw that
me: i'm still ok
t: ok
t: sure
me: yes I'm sure
t: do you need me to tell you a story
t: maybe the kitchen table one again?
me: i need you to hold me someday....but I'll wait...
t: I love you Kristy ...dont forget that k
me: never...
t: :-)
me: its just when I started to write to you tonight the only thing I could even think is I miss you
me: and it was like that echo thing when you talk to a cave
t: I am sorry...
me: no......
me: no...nonono
t: I will be in earlier tomorrow ok
me: you have nothing to be sorry about
me: you don't have to do that either “t”
me: do one thing for me
me: and I swear I'll be happy always
me: ok?
me: one thing..
. t: whats that love
me: when you think about me.....just smile
t: I always do babe
me: if you do that.... if I know you do that... thats' all I need to know
me: don't worry about anything else
me: i'm ok
t: :-)
me: just when I get a hold of you... I feel bad for you
t: ;-)
me: ok go work...
t: promises, promises
t: ok
me: everythings kewl
t: buh bye my sexy Hot, (no Not) baby
me: just be safe...and don't worry about me..ok
t: ok
t: I love you
me: no worries....smile
me: i love you too “t”
me: right front
t: gnight
t: :-)
me: night baby
t: <---kisses Kristy gently on the cheek...
me: awwww
t: <---then quickyl shoves his tongue in her mouth
me: i will never wash my cheek again
me: i love you so much when you say stuff like that
t: ;-)
t: ;-)
t: ok..
me: ok go...work
t: but I will catch ya later k
t: ;-)
t: buh bye
me: bye bye baby


he tells me I can tell him anything…send him a smiley face if that’s all I want to say….that I don’t have to be afraid of expressing my thoughts no matter what they are….and he comes purposely to let me know he’s ok? Ok…I’m goin to bed early tonight smiling…

sometimes it’s the freakiest thing to have someone on your mind, in your heart and then listen to someone else snoring in your ear...
1:39 a.m. ::
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