PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

appearances can be lazy

Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
Today I wore a new shirt and I don’t know if it was the fact that my boobs were saying hello to everyone or what but I got a ga’zillion compliments on this shirt. I also noticed that I was having a very good hair day overall considering how badly I need a trim. My bangs are practically down to my nose if I yank ‘em down. (however, I hate hate heidi short bangs on myself….on a certain someone I know they are uber cute…me….I look like I had an accident with the clippers when I have short bangs…)

I decided to play with the camera and the mirror….and I have to say…taking photo’s of yourself via mirror ….not easy. I was only going to post one but ya know…I’m getting to the age and place in my life where it’s ok if my fat arms are in the picture….it’s ok if I have cleavage (people I have boobs…big boobs….regardless of my size or weight….always had the boobage) It’s even ok if you can look closely and decipher that this girl has a lazy eye. (something that even my 13 yr old son JUST noticed a few weeks ago) It used to be horrifically bad when I was younger…..it was hard for me to cope with. Now I accept myself for all that I am more than I ever have. Incidentally if you think your child is having vision problems….please take them to the eye doctor pronto and insist they check and double check for lazy eye. (which has a long name to it…but I don’t recall what it is)

In my mother’s defense she told a few doctors I needed a patch on my eye…they told her my problem was not that pronounced. Because of my eye condition

1. I cannot see in 3d…as both eyes do not work together.
2. I get eye tired sooner than I would like….afterall I am a reader by heart.
3. I recall all the E charts I read as a child….E’s facing one way and E’s facing the other so I could tell them which way because I couldn’t yet decipher the alphabet.
4. Oh they also had pictures of houses and fishies and animals….and then they turned into blobs of course…because people I COULDN’T SEE!!!
5. I had glasses at age 3. I looked over them.
6. I didn’t have that sort of vision problem.
7. My eyes were just whacked.
8. One lagging behind eye muscle.
9. Eye issues are why I don’t get contacts.
10. I really only utilize my right eye….my left only for peripheral vision.
11. It’s difficult for me to drive at night…I have to pay attention big time.
12. I like to have a car with good vision….no blind areas….I already have one of those.
13. I now know that I am finally ok with this issue….afterall I’m writing about it here….
14. Rick tells me always “you can’t even tell…would you shuddup about it already…you’re the only one that even knows about it.”
15. Every now and then someone I work with or am around will look behind themselves to try to see what I am looking at. I want to nonchalantly say “Dude…I have a lazy eye….I’m looking at YOU….but I understand why you’d think I’m looking at someone coming up to the right of you about to stab you or something!”
16. This would have been resolved had they “patched’ my stronger right eye as a small small toddler for about a year.
17. I could have been a baby pirate…
18. As a small child I could pick up needles off of the floor (my Mother’s weirdo self test for blindness…)
19. I could not however tell her how many fingers she was holding up if she covered my right eye.
20. I could if she covered my left and did so quite quickly.
21. When my own son was born I was a nutcase until I finally accepted that he had “normal eyes”
22. Imagine the guilt if he had a lazy eye too?
23. Thank you god…thank you….for two blue perfect beautiful eyes for my son.
24. I love my blue eyes.
25. I can still see
26. read
27. live
28. It’s ok
29. My mother…..
30. She knew.
31. They didn’t listen.
32. She gave up.
33. Bad mother!


I’m still happy with who and what I am….flaws and all. I think it’s because I truly feel blessed by the special people in my life…..

You can go see the rest of my mirror play on my flickr….

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p.s. I looked around at work today and realized....there's a certain expectation about appearance's. You must adhere to a dress code. The women that work there all wear the nicest of clothing, etc. I get my nails done to maintain my job. As goofy as that sounds....I finally realized why the hair..the clothes...the shoes....the nails...why they are something I must keep up with. When I let them go I feel not on my game...and it does affect people in work environments. hmm...

p.s.s. if you have something mean or nasty to say to me about the lazy eye....don't bother...I heard it all by the time I hit 2nd grade.

Love,
North Star

9:21 p.m. ::
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