PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

argh...insanity again

Wednesday, Mar. 26, 2003
Random thoughts…..

Husband and I are currently hashing out an agreement with our attorneys regarding our son and all arrangements therein. We are both in agreement that the only true responsible parties are he and I and it will remain that way now and always. My son has always had two parents and that will remain the case.

There is a difference between having done a drug and being addicted to a drug. A lot of people have tried drugs, gone through an experimental stage…etc and THAT does not necessarily make the inevitable result of such experimentation ADDICTION. I spoke to a very trusted friend about this issue last night and we agreed that at the time that I met Rick and in the recent past few years Rick has NOT had any affiliation with crack and/or cocaine. If he were using any drug it would show itself very quickly and he would be displaying problems currently. He isn’t. He would NOT simply come home one day and sell all his furniture. He would start out selling small things…building upon his addiction and crisis. I was married to someone that was popping some major drugs and I know all about the side affects of drug abuse albeit prescription drugs in his case. The telltale signs are there and crack causes some un-deniable affects.

My life, my choices…are mine. I write here as a form of therapy. As a way to analyze my own actions, thoughts and life, it is for my benefit and for the most part it has been beneficial and I refuse to stop because a few people want to be derogatory towards me and a life they only read about but do not see.

I have held down a job despite large amounts of infidelity, becoming homeless…etc. I have done the right things, 3 months later I have some bills paid off, I have a new vehicle, I have auto insurance, I have food in my refrigerator, I have NOT turned my back on my child and I don’t have to justify shit to anyone. But this is my diary and my place and my freedom of speech. And yeah sometimes I write stuff that no one agrees with and so what. Again..my life! Mine.

Ex and I both agree that the problems are with his girlfriend and he has agreed that if he can’t resolve her behavior then Bucky will be moving in with me. He agrees that the issues are not created by Rick or myself and that she is at fault and if she is not agreeable to be contactable and communicative in the best interest of Bucky then she needs to removed from the responsibility role in Bucky’s life. He and I are finally on the same page and this is a good thing where everyone’s concerned.

Rick and I are happy. He’s responsible, holds down a job, pays his bills first and foremost, and is a great guy. He’s had problems in his past, he is not having them now and there is no reason for me to believe he will ever again. He has agreed that his blackout problem is a problem and he knows that drinking does his life no good and he doesn’t wish to cause problems in our relationship so he doesn’t wish to drink socially or otherwise. Problem solved.

I’m happy. I’m truly happy with my life. The shrink doesn’t believe I need to be on drugs, and I have chosen to trust him and I trusted him when I took Zoloft, I trust him to know more than some puke online might know.

I have a job…I’m going back to work. And…Sandy… I agree.

-PoeticaL
9:45 a.m. ::
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