PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

big brother?

Sunday, Aug. 20, 2006
Rick worked this entire weekend. He often has days off through the week when I’m at work but then has to work the ENTIRE weekend away. He left the house yesterday morning at around 6:20 a.m. and then did not get home until about 2 a.m. last night. I stayed up waiting for him…it’s hard for me to calm down and relax enough to sleep when he’s out working that late. I didn’t wake up today until around 12:30 and then I sprang from bed and took a shower and spent my day with my favorite person in the whole wide world, my son.

We went to the movies and we went out to lunch, to Target and then to Walmart. I do most of my shopping when I am with my son. I don’t tend to want to go to Target or Walmart if I am by myself and Rick hasn’t the patience for waiting around while I pick out clothes, shoes, things for the house. He’s just not a big shopper.

I always have a great time with my son and the time always goes by so so quickly. There’s far too many goodbyes in my relationship with my son these days. They are never easy, never get easier….they just get more routine.

We also went into a photo booth and took pictures, the kind that gives you back those strips. This photo booth spits out a sheet that is perforated so that you can split the strip with your “friend” or fellow photo taker. So now he and I both have that same strip. It’s cute and I will scan it soon. It’s us making silly faces. I love my son.

I told him today about my upcoming surgery and explained ovaries to a 13 yr old son as much as necessary. I told him today that Rick and I would like to have a baby. I asked him what he thought. He thinks its ok and he thinks he would like a brother. Later Rick and I talked about how if we have a baby he’ll be the one we call to baby sit. I said, ‘Yah you can bring over a girlfriend and baby sit your brother or sister and then you’d have the house to yourself after you conked out the baby.” Rick said, “Don’t give him any ideas about conking babies!”

I love my son in ways that I can never put into words properly and I can only say that the time I spend with him is the best time in my life…ever. No matter what we do. He likes scary movies and yet has never seen, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Pyscho, or Halloween. So I know what I am going to do over the next few weeks. I see someone’s Christmas presents being purchased early.

When I think about my life over the last 14 years, it’s been full of joy regardless of the pains, because of my son. I hope that one day Rick looks back and feels for himself what I feel now.

Today I allowed myself to look at cribs at Target….my son quickly said, ‘I like this crib, can I help you decorate if you get pregnant?” I’m still afraid to let my heart soar that way…but if that never happens it’s wonderful to know that my son knows he’s loved so much that no one else would ever take that away. He did mention, ‘If you have a baby you won’t spoil me like you always have.” I responded, “soon you’ll have your own job and you’d be spoiling your baby brother or sister and people will assume he’s your son and you can say, “No don’t be crazy that’s my brother.” Keith did say that he’d prefer to have a brother…..

The mere fact that he never looked at me and said, ‘Why would you want to do that?’ is proof that my son is one amazing human being.


10:21 p.m. ::
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