We went to the movies and we went out to lunch, to Target and then to Walmart. I do most of my shopping when I am with my son. I don�t tend to want to go to Target or Walmart if I am by myself and Rick hasn�t the patience for waiting around while I pick out clothes, shoes, things for the house. He�s just not a big shopper.

I always have a great time with my son and the time always goes by so so quickly. There�s far too many goodbyes in my relationship with my son these days. They are never easy, never get easier�.they just get more routine.

We also went into a photo booth and took pictures, the kind that gives you back those strips. This photo booth spits out a sheet that is perforated so that you can split the strip with your �friend� or fellow photo taker. So now he and I both have that same strip. It�s cute and I will scan it soon. It�s us making silly faces. I love my son.

I told him today about my upcoming surgery and explained ovaries to a 13 yr old son as much as necessary. I told him today that Rick and I would like to have a baby. I asked him what he thought. He thinks its ok and he thinks he would like a brother. Later Rick and I talked about how if we have a baby he�ll be the one we call to baby sit. I said, �Yah you can bring over a girlfriend and baby sit your brother or sister and then you�d have the house to yourself after you conked out the baby.� Rick said, �Don�t give him any ideas about conking babies!�

I love my son in ways that I can never put into words properly and I can only say that the time I spend with him is the best time in my life�ever. No matter what we do. He likes scary movies and yet has never seen, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Pyscho, or Halloween. So I know what I am going to do over the next few weeks. I see someone�s Christmas presents being purchased early.

When I think about my life over the last 14 years, it�s been full of joy regardless of the pains, because of my son. I hope that one day Rick looks back and feels for himself what I feel now.

Today I allowed myself to look at cribs at Target�.my son quickly said, �I like this crib, can I help you decorate if you get pregnant?� I�m still afraid to let my heart soar that way�but if that never happens it�s wonderful to know that my son knows he�s loved so much that no one else would ever take that away. He did mention, �If you have a baby you won�t spoil me like you always have.� I responded, �soon you�ll have your own job and you�d be spoiling your baby brother or sister and people will assume he�s your son and you can say, �No don�t be crazy that�s my brother.� Keith did say that he�d prefer to have a brother�..