cluttering the net since 2001


Sunday, Jul. 04, 2004
Sometimes things donít work out, or theyíre just not working out when you want them to. 18 hours increments of nothing but silence and agitation. Iím three days into knowing and a lifetime into trying to forget that Iím a mistake walking. Iím forward moving and youíre not looking behind.

Everythingís going somewhere Iíve traveled before. This is not what I want but I wonít beg, plead, borrow or steal your love anymore. You either do or you donít. Maybe we never understood each other. You have done things I canít forget, I have done things you canít forgive. And when those two things happen maybe itís time to split despite the fact that there is still so much love to give and take and swim within.

I donít want to go anywhere, but I donít want to tie you down to me if you donít want to be here. I donít want to move into tomorrow without you but I know that I can if I have to. I have survived so much in a short period of time. Iím okÖIíll ache and Iíll cry and Iíll beg the sky to bring you back if you goÖbut in time I will remember the good things. The things we canít seem to find our way back to anymore. What happened to those nights when you couldnít wait to hold me..when time stood still and sleep was something other people did.

I remember a time when your cigarette lit up in the dark was brand new and I wanted to wake up sweaty with smoke soot in my strands of hair. I remember when you reached for me before you thought about when I last came to you. I remember when there was no score card, no hang upís no arguments about food, billsÖlife. I remember when all that mattered was you and I. If you can remember those things and find your way back to them with me, then I donít want it to end, I want us to go looking again. But if you canít and donít want to forget the bad things, then we need to part. It scares the hell out of me because I donít want to have a string of lights reminding me every time I close my eyes about how many people I have touched but never held ontoÖ.but I willÖif you canít

3:24 p.m. ::
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