the internet is just like captain crunch
which I�m now too tired to even do the code to link.
Here�s the thing�.
me: big time messy hair tonight
me: i had the z out
me: with Bucky
t: ok
me: I can't see you
me: just a bunch of pencils or something
t: bullets in the way
t: better?
me: yeah i shoulda left the light off
me: lookie my funky hair
t: ok...
me: ok what?
t: get up and shut it off
t: ;-)
me: no its ok
me: you need to see me looking all funky
me: get this notion of fantasy girl out of your head
t: you r still my fantasy
me: phhhft
me: ts lost in internet lala land
t: tearing apart a weapon magazine
me: ok
t: what fun right
me: lol
me: i dunno I'm not doing it you are
me: i'm just sitting here
t: talk
me: about what?
me: lol
t: got it! apart
me: i could say "hey I did 10 mexican guys in the back seat of my car today" ouch...sneeze.... but you'd not know anyways
t: really
me: lol
me: nope
me: i didn't even eat lunch
t: :-)
me: hmmm.....ok I got something I gotta go do
me: brf
t: omg
t: i saw it again
me: oh geez
me: I really shoulda combed my hair
me: lol
t: show me again
me: ok I'm gonna start to flash body parts
me: and you're gonna miss half of em
me: cause you're doing stuffs
me: but that's ok
me: i'll do it fast
me: you'll never even know you missed anything
me: ...
me: .....
me: ...
me: .....
t: ok
me: ..
me: .
me: .
t: show me
me: .
me: forget it
me: lookie what I went to get
t: that is not your body
me: nope
me: i found my magazine today
me: oh forget it....
t: body?
me: i'm gonna go get my vibe and entertain myself
t: show me
me: lol
t: now
me: show you what?
me: i'm not showing you anything
me: trust me
t: body parts
me: you don't want it
me: get that evil grin off ya face
t: you lied then
me: i was joking around
me: geesh
t: nope
me: wanna see my keys?
me: i have my backpack right here....
t: u want to my key
me: that i carry to work and stuff
me: that sentence made no sense
t: do you want to see my "KEY"
me: ok t....who was on the keychain?
t: pooh bear
me: wow
me: you were paying attention
me: holy shit
t: multi talented...
t:
me: yeah sure
me: ok wanna see my phone that doesn't know how to ring?
t: nope...
t: I want to see your....
t: yeah
me: <-----wanted to throw phone out the window
t: buttocks
me: lol
me: you said you already did
t: that sexy...
me: ther'es nothing so great to see
me: picture fat and ugly and you're all set
t: nope
t: sexy
t: voluptuous
t: good enough to eat
me: try coming back to the real world
t: i am here
me: but I'm not
t: yes u r
me: this is virtual world
me: we could do this forever and never have it be real
t: oh we could just get naked and prove you wrong...
t: prove to you that it is good enough to eat
me: lol
me: not gonna happen
t: sure
t: if you believe that
me: if I believe what?
t: i thinkd...
me: ?
t: i think that I will prove you wrong
t:
me: prove me wrong about what?
t: I am going to (sexual reference deleted)
t: then
t: I am going to stick my tongue into (sexual reference deleted)
me: you realize I'm sitting here looking at the back of your neck wanting to lick it
t: really
me: yup
me: but then again that's all I can see
me: lol
t: I could drop my pants
me: ok I'm gonna go to bed
me: say good night k
t: ok
me: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
t: I have to go to shift change now anu ways
me: ok bye
t: ok
me: whatever
t: ok
t: maybe I will be back later
I left� I walked away sorta in a mean ass way because..here�s the fucking thing. I want someone who can really hold me. Touch me. Run their fingers through my hair. And speak to me where I can see their lips move and hear the sounds at the same time.
I want him to be that. I want him to be real. And there�s a good damn chance that will never happen. I keep telling myself not to think like this, but I�ve told myself that shit once before. I�m so fucked�.
me: do ya ever just want someone "real" to talk to
underwater: yup yup
underwater: do you?
me: like someone "real really" in your room sitting next to you
me: fluffing up their hair
underwater: yes
me: picking at a scab on her knee
me: moving your cd collection around the room
me: just normalcy
me: real living breathing something
me: do you ever get tired of every conversation you have being text
underwater: yes
me: does it ever get to you so bad you just want to scream or cry
underwater: no
me: ok so I'm a freak
me: figures
underwater: lol
underwater: are you sad?
me: i'm....
underwater: i would let you cry on my shoulder
me: ok so
me: i know this person
me: i've known lots of these persons before
me: one time before thought someone was kewl
me: got too close
me: got burnt
me: then said 'nope never again'
underwater: i hear ya girl
me: well then again happened
me: and I'm a fool who believes in love
me: like fools only do
me: with all my heart soul and playdoh gut
me: and
me: its early on
underwater: i know girl
me: and he's perfect in every "virtual" way
me: calls me from afghanistan for crying out loud
me: today
me: to leave a message on my voice mail just to say "i miss you"
me: but....heres the thing
me: in the virtual world everyone has a slight bit of that fantasy thing goin on
me: you can't see all
me: you cant know all
me: and therefore you fill in the blanks with your hopefulness
me: we all want something good in life
me: so what we can't see
me: we fill with perhaps false good
me: just now...chatting to him
me: i try to explain this fantasy world thing
me: cause i've been there before
me: this place
me: where its' all good
me: and perfect feeling
me: and swoonlike
me: well....
underwater: swoonlike?
me: he's never been before...so I'm all wrong
me: you know
underwater: no
me: "OMG this person is so kewl like"
me: that swoon shit
underwater: ok
me: where you think you see perfection
me: blah
me: its crap
me: its virtual trickery
me: so in hte middle of a perfectly normal seeming chat.....
me: this is what happened
me: me: ok I'm gonna go to bed
me: say good night k
t: ok
me: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
t: I have to go to shift change now anu ways
me: ok bye
t: ok
me: whatever
t: ok
t: maybe I will be back later
me: see...the frustration level..... whatever... trust me if a girl says "whatever" she's pissed....aggitated....frustrated...something IS wrong... whatever and fine are never truthful or divine
underwater: how can i help
me: you can't
me: now ain't that the bitch of it
me: no one can
underwater: believe it or not,,,,
underwater: i am real
underwater: i am true
me: i just had to say it to someone cause I wonder if I'm the only one that does this to myself
me: I need some captain crunch
me: captain crunch fixes all things
me: except the roof of your mouth
underwater: lmao
me: it makes that feel like a cheap whore
me: know what?
underwater: what
me: the internet is just like captain crunch
underwater: ya