connect the A part to the B part..did I lose the C part
Friday, Apr. 04, 2003
I've been thinking about this a great deal and only have five minutes to write about it.
Some connections with people happen in five minutes and others take awhile longer. But an instant connection still needs time to become a solid bond. Rick...with Rick there was an instant connection. Now sometimes I look at him and I long to know him, truly know him inside and out. What is he thinking? What will he say next? It can literally drive me bonkers if I sit and wonder it all too long. I'm hoping that time will teach me the answers to these things.
A few times he has said sentences that start with "you should know by now......" or "do you really think I would...." Is there a time frame on what a person can know about another person within ...say a week?...a month?? I only know that I know the framework...the framework of this relationship. Much like a house (a theory I have talked about before..) we have the framework up....we're pouring the foundation....the house is being built. I cannot possibly know what the house will look like (outside of dreaming and visualizations) until it is finished.
I want a strong house, one that can withstand winds of change and stay beautiful and sweet.
Last night Randy was asking me for relationship advice...and I uttered "why are you asking me? I'm getting a divorce and my boyfriends mad at me" He kept asking though. *shrugs* I know a lot about "what NOT to do." I need the "what TO do" manual now.
I know I love Rick, I'm just all over the road and wonder how he feels. He rarely talks about his feelings anymore...he says "you know how I feel...." I do? Hmmm....
Nope...it's not trouble in paradise, it's more of an insecurity on my part. Everytime I have loved someone in my lifetime I have eventually had them walk out on me...eventually I have lost them. Scary...
-PoeticaL
