PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

could it be another change?

Wednesday, Jan. 30, 2002
Yes I lost the bet…I explained why….and besides…this is my diary…mymymy!!!! And now I can’t talk about what I want? Fuck that…

TopLists is Kewl…

"Name five places you'd rather be right now."
1. The OUTBACK with “Bucky” watching kangaroos.
2. NC watching “him” play his guitar.
3. London, England making a phone call in a red phone box with BraN.
4. Toronto drinking latte at a show with my best bud in life, Carla.
5. Cali’ doing an interview with Tod Goldberg.

Today’s not a good day. It’s a shit day already. There’s some stuff goin’ on at work and I expected it to run its course over the next two weeks and now it’s happened in one day. To put it shortly and mildly…Delboy is no longer here. Being that he’s my best friend in life…I’m very distraught about this. He was the one person I saw everyday that was in my corner and was my friend no matter what. Yes we’ll keep in touch but we all know that this is just not the same after spending an hour swapping dialogue with someone every day at noon. I’m sure we’ll have some mucho long phone conversations every week from home. I’m sure now I’ll be spending my lunch hours reading alone…*sigh*. I’m glad I packed my protein/veggie lunch.

I think I am change phobic. I have change phobia. It’s a bad disease to have. I hate changes that take away something good from my life. Seems like there’s never anything good that replaces it…I know that’s not the case, but it sure feels like it on days like today. I know that Delboy and I are destined to be friends for life. But it will never be the same. I can’t go to him with my morning splenda infected decaf in hand and say “guess what dude?” and have him reply “I dunno dude..what?” It just won’t be the same. And our last day of working together was Monday…and I didn’t even know. I wasn’t at work yesterday for such obvious reasons.

Husband decided not to buy that Mustang. He got to the end of the entire process, had everything ready to go and decided not to do it. He called me and said “I don’t want that car payment shit anymore….I kept having tail lights of that repo truck flashbacks….I’m just gonna fix up my truck” Last night in a rare mood of “being nice” I told him “I’m proud of you for making a smart decision today and realizing you were better off to wait a while.” He smiled. I guess I can be nice sometimes.

I started to read this awesome book yesterday that I bought yesterday..me and my fucking book addiction….grrr… The book... “Kiss My Tiara: How to Rule the World As a Smartmouth Goddess by Susan Jane Gilman. I read 75 pages before I even realized it. I don’t know that I agree with everything in that book, but damn is it ever funny. I usually don’t buy t hose kinds of books, but after the other night I think I need to take more control over my conversations and stick up for myself. I did manage to do that last night with him. I told him he owed me an apology. I’ve told him that before and he has laughed it off. Last night I got “I’m very sorry”. Hmm.. I think I’m already a smartmouth but I need to learn to be a Goddess…believe that I am one that is.

Ok this was enough mindless useless rambling for one day. Man I’m gonna miss Delboy….I’m gonna have to write him a poem or something….they didn’t even have a going away party for him…and no he wasn’t fired…he left to go work for the same company he was working for within our company but only from his home. Think he’ll make me lunch everyday if I want it? Oh frig….Largo’s too far away….damn it….

-PoeticaL


Could it be another change?

the only time I feel good falling
is when I'm falling fast and hard for you
the last two digits when I'm calling
fade away but somehow I'll get through
the only time I feel good sinking
is when I'm sinking fast and deep for you
you caught me as I was winking
now I think my winking days are through


could it be another change?
to come and rearrange
why can't she just feel the way I do?

you can't love no one
you can't love something
you can't love nothing
you can't love anything
till you can love yourself
till you can love yourself
you can love yourself


the only time I feel good falling
is when I'm falling fast and hard for you
I can't tell if you are stalling
so if you are please tell me what to do
the only time I feel good sinking
is when I'm sinking fast and deep for you
you caught me when I was winking
now I think my winking days are through


could it be another change?
to come and rearrange
why can't she just feel the way I do?


-The Samples

The Samples Online
11:14 a.m. ::
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