PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

cruise this!

Wednesday, Aug. 10, 2005
My W.W.J.D. ex-husband is going on a cruise today. Why do I mention this? He’s taking our joint child with him. He can’t afford to buy same said child more than two pairs of pants and two shirts to wear to school but he CAN afford a cruise whereby he takes along two children? Yes, the wicked stepmother has a child of her own; he’s the oddball child that was riding a 16 inch bike when he was 8 years old. (bike had training wheels and was far too small for child so that his knees banged against the handlebar while he fearfully tried to move bike in a forward direction, child had to wear a helmet….whilst moving at about negative 10 m.p.h. in driveway while mother stood one inch away in case of accidental bike maneuvers.)

But back to the cruise issue. Child leaves this afternoon. Mother of same child has Math class tonight and works until 6:15 p.m. . Gah! (lets all chant together “we hate Math we hate Math we hate Math we hate Math”) So I will not get to see my child before he sails the ocean’s blue. I will hopefully get to have a telephone conversation with him prior to class and whilst still being at work. I will take my lunch hour very late in hopes that I can catch him while on lunch, most likely this will not pan out for me and I’ll be standing in the bathroom stall trying not to cry at the absurdity of the situation of saying goodbye to my own flesh and blood while standing in an office bathroom and while he stands at the ready with a suitcase and his half baked evil step-mother/fatherly half of his family.

The thing about it is he’s excited to go to Mexico and experience a boat and blah blah blah and I know that he’s happy and joyful and so while the entire ordeal angers me for two basic reasons.

1. school clothes rank higher on the priority list in my parental book (thusly why I spend approx. $a buttload more than Daddy did on his school attire…something I do not regret but feel his father should have been more a part of!!!)

2. several months ago I got a moral speech from the bible fucking father of my child whereby he quoted psalms and the like about how it was horrid for me to remove said child from school two hours early and I would surely rot in parental hell for doing this….and NOW NOW he is removing said child from school for TWO ENTIRE days. (note: I do not care that said child misses TWO days to go on vacation as much as I care that his father has a “I CAN DO AS I PLEASE BUT I WILL VERBALLY ASS RAPE you if you DO THE SAME DAMNED THING I DO….but not AS BAD!)

…I basically have to accept and deal and those are two words I have gotten not very good at yet. I am doing better than a few years ago, but I still stumble and I’m positive that this afternoon no matter how brave I might sound over the phone line to my son, I’ll be wiping tears away. So much of what he does is not within my control nor are my opinions respected or asked for. Life rolls along for him and I watch too often from the sidelines. Things I cannot change and yet I realize that he has a life with me that his father watches from the sidelines but and….or…um…but he doesn’t care because I strongly believe he sees me as the “free” babysitter and when my son is with me he’s off with the wicked wife getting wasted etc. I know that he’s never on time to pick my son up. I know that if I were going to retrieve my son I would be early waiting patiently in the driveway for the egg timer style clock in my head to ring with joy. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the entire matter makes me feel as though I’m about to have an anxiety attack that measures 10.8 on the Richter scale.

And in the end, all I want is my son to have fun, be joyful…..and for me to have a lot of Kleenex to miss him with.

p.s To the asshat that will say this….Nope. I’m not jealous of ex’s vacation (or the extreme debt on wicked stepmonsters credit cards)…..in approximately 4 months my butt’s gonna hit 4 other countries……happily. And I’ll be crying over my son again….*sigh*

p.s.s. my son sent me an email telling me he’s taking a laptop with him on vacation so he can hopefully email his Mom. Sweet kid…..if nothing else I have the sweetest child ever.
11:30 a.m. ::
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