i miss you daddy (poem)

I just got the most amazing news....the kind of news that makes me jump up and down and wipe happy elated tears. I have this feeling like something is complete but I'm still fragmented because the fact of the matter is I have no one to call and truly share this with. No one who understands and will jump up and down with me. So...while I'm thrilled I'm sitting here missing my Dad, because he's probably the only one that would get it. Would say "way to go kid.." and the fact is, we did it together he and I, and I'm happy...I'm elated...but I'm crying because I miss him so damn much it aches inside and out. I can't even buy some flowers and take them to his grave because that would mean a big trek to Pennsylvania, and I don't have cab fair for that.

somewhere you and I
walk hand in hand
and when I speak
you still somewhere feel me
I am not alone

I know you were there
yesterday
like every other day
but tonight I remind myself
I am not alone

Your name never leaves
my heart
like a scar healed tightly over
when I ache
in my thoughts there you are
I am not alone

Like a secret
I never verbalize out loud
a hushing wind you
are my whisper
even when I cry in silence
I am not alone

what once was vacant
a neon blinking
we fulfilled
now even empty is
never the truth
I am not alone

close my eyes
and I can feel you
like the stronghold freeze
comes with winter
my summer willow bends
never weak nor falling, for...my father
I am still not alone

I miss you Daddy.

-PoeticaL