PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

dear friend

Tuesday, Aug. 20, 2002
Dear You,

You can�t make a person care for you, cherish you or love you. You can�t mold someone into being what you wish they were. You can�t patch up what they lack. You can�t ask them to be more for you than they are willing to just be. You can�t color over bad shades of their god given personality, they are a picture that just is and can�t be rearranged. You can�t ask a person to bend and retry to be the person that you just wish they could somehow be. If they were that person, they would already �be� that person. You can�t ask someone to give of themselves, if you ask and they comply, did they truly give of themselves? You can�t dream about joined hopes if you are hoping all alone. You can�t embrace today if your arms are constantly empty from yesterday�s hollowness.

Love isn�t always fixable. It isn�t a flat tire that you can re-inflate. Lies aren�t forgivable no matter how many times you say �its ok.� Some damages are permanent and never can just erase. Some missing aspects of a relationship will never find a replace. Some wishes are dreams and you never seem to be awake. Some acceptances hurt so deep inside that we just deny the truth and accept the ache.

We pretend we are happy hoping the happiness will believe our lie. We choke on the tears and pretend that they�re fake. We wonder how we got this far and we can�t believe that we�ve made such a big mistake. But pretending and lying and dreaming without release grows thin. One day we must face the mess that we are in.

Love isn�t supposed to be asked for. Cried for or begged for. Love is supposed to just be.


I understand you because I am you. I have felt the way you do on a thousand nights writing a thousand words. Your pain is something I am familiar to. Something I have often heard. There are no easy answers but there is the truth. You deserve to feel special, to be held and heard. You deserve to have your thoughts read, digested and savored for each word. You deserve someone that wants to wrap their arms around you, hold you throughout the night, make love to you in the morning and call you in the afternoon to tell you their body misses yours. You want those things and you have every right to them.

I have pretended. Pretended and lied to myself. I have tried to force an emotion that just keeps hiding from itself. Love isn�t something you can just lie into being ok again. I�m sorry, believe me. I�m so sorry you know how I feel, because I would love better for you�my friend.

I just want you to know, you�re not crazy, you�re not wrong. And if you can�t fix him, fix the way that he makes you feel. Try harder to fix what�s hurting inside of yourself, with or without his support and/or help. And if you work on those things, one day you�ll wake up and see his face and know that you are bigger than anything he can say. You will be far bigger than him turning away from you, bigger and better and stronger than his weakness.

I love you. I�m here for you. I will be your strength until you find it again. I know it was a hollow letter because I have constructed them myself. I know because I am you too. I am living your life in a different play on a different stage. We are so much the same�.you are not alone anymore. I�m right here.

Thanks for always being there for me. And for giving me the gift of being able to just be�me. For being able to say what I need to just say�just to know that it�s ok that I am just me.

-PoeticaL
11:11 a.m. ::
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