cluttering the net since 2001

Dear House…I’m sorry no one has loved you

Tuesday, Nov. 15, 2005
On Sunday morning Rick and I looked at the world’s most rundown unloved house. Is the house ugly? Not necessarily. Do any of the windows have screens? No…not at all necessarily. The house did have three bedrooms (if you count one closet a bedroom…small rooms…woah), and two baths…one with a bathtub and one with a walk in shower. Both bathrooms have not been remodeled since 1950 at best. Blue tub? Gross. Very gross. The entire house was covered in a thin film of crud. Meaning whomever lived there obviously NEVER cleaned. Never. The kitchen had compressed cardboard brown cabinets with door handles in the smack dab center…and was small. The entire house would be awesome if…

1. you ripped everything out

2. you made sure to take those long streams of duct tape up with the carpeting when you remove it, after all you do not need room dividers anymore.

3. you laid new flooring, new tile, bought new fixtures for everywhere, new sinks, new light fixtures, some ceiling fans....

4. you ripped down one wall and made yourself a spacey two bedroom home..because f**k I don’t think our queen size bed would fit without blocking off entrance (sure you could just jump into bed every night…but geesh)

5. you carted away all the white trash trashy crap trash out of the back porch

6. you pretended you didn’t live there while you fixed it enough that you could live there

7. you put everything “nice” you own into storage and forgot you owned it until you could fix the house up

8. you don’t want to cook for at least 2 months

9. you don’t want to open the closet door to the air conditioner (there’s clearly a note that says “do not touch closet door, it will fall off….sweet!)

10. it was clean

11. the owner wasn’t sitting in the center of the living room watching a football game in only a pair of shorts and nothing else….

12. the front door did not open preventing entry entirely

Yes….looking for a house will not be fun in this town. If you don’t have $350,000 for a house, you will hunt for something you can fix for half that cost and you will even begin to wonder if you “could” make it livable when looking at the above property. Yes I said half that cost…because yes this is the Tampa Bay area. Welcome.

p.s. I need to get married already….the wait is making me kooky…
12:55 p.m. ::
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