cluttering the net since 2001

what's there to decide?

Friday, Feb. 01, 2002
posted again from yesterday….

Go take the quiz…..do you really know? Do you sorta know me? Do you really know anything at all?

Do you know PoeticaL Quiz Is RIGHT HERE

Its funny to me that most people that took my little quiz seem to know where I live and what kinda car I drive and what the company I work for sells…etc. Mostly no one knows who my bald coworker is. Including husband. Geeeeez….and he went to the guys wedding last September!!! DARKSOUL you need to be the President of the PoeticaL Fan Club! Wow! 100! I think that you were Bert too just so you could get a preview of those questions so you could hunt for the answers. *snicker* Notice the husband took the test and he lives with me and he only got an 80. Thus proving that someone online CAN know you Better!!


I am about to talk about something that will make me sound like a major bitch…but who cares. Ever since husband got his “pussy” magnet which has a CD player in it, he’s toting my CD’s around. Let me first mention that he’s never laid down a single dollar for more than one or two CD’s in about 3 years time and they included “Creed”, “The Offspring” and “3 Doors Down”. Argh! Not my thing at all. So nothing he buys is anything I would want to really listen to on my own accord. Sure I can tolerate listening to that stuff on the home CD player. And he always says the stuff I listen to sucks and yet…..get this….

Ever since he got a CD player in his car, he’s walking around carrying my BT and Crystal Method and Flickerstick and Hoobastank CD’s. This pisses me off because he loses things constantly. And he never paid for them annnd because lets face it when a relationship gets this fucked up you just do not want that person touching any of your stuff.

I am not a neat freak or anything. I’m not stingy or selfish either. But I am pissed about this. I know my CD’s will have a slow migration of disappearance. This is a guy who’s sold my CD’s for pocket money. He’ll tell me it was for grocery money or “Bucky” needed something. But he never came to me prior to sellng my CD’s and told me or talked to me about it. Or asked me if I had any money for that matter!!! Just one day I go looking for something and after much frustrated searching find that its just gone. Now sometimes I search and search and later find that a CD has fallen behind the actual stereo but my first assumption is that he hawked it. He has such little regard for my belongings but now he’s walking around carrying my CD’s as though they are the greatest and belong to him?

See..this is the shit that you shouldn’t feel. I feel this anxiety because of valid reasons, which include:

1. I’ve seen my jewelry in a pawnshop while with husband who told me blatantly “that is not yours!” (As if a girl doesn’t know her own jewelry?)
2. My dead fathers computer disappeared…. I still don’t know what happened to that! (I always get this ill feeling that Christmas is typing away on it and that’s enough to make me wanna puke)
3. I’ve picked up books in used bookstores with my name in the front. (this sucks!)
4. I’ve bought my own CD’s back from used CD shops. (this will make you feel 2 feet high especially when the store owner knows what’s going on and is making money off of you at the same time)

So I feel that there are reasons for these feelings.

I just called him at work and jumped on him about my CD’s. He said, “What is wrong with you? Did you call me up at work just to bitch at me?” I said, “I don’t know, but I do know that you made me this way and I don’t like you touching my things anymore. I don’t own very much in this life and I’m tired of you selling and destroying what I do have.” He said, “You hold a grudge forever just like your fucking mother!”

I don’t think I have to say anything else about that…

On a lighter note…I have lost 7 lbs. My jeans are looser, and I look pretty dang sloppy looking wearing them cause they’re way too big now. I am no longer falling asleep at my desk at 3 pm everyday. And even husband has noticed that my clothes are too big. My hairs growing longer and I’m feeling pretty pretty…. That’s a really nice feeling. And for whatever it’s worth… “he” is on the same diet. “He” is doing it to lose 5 lbs…but he also told me that “he” wanted to know what I was going through. He called me yesterday to ask me what kind of salad dressing he could have. How cute.

What's there to decide?
You think that one step forward is one step back
Stuck on a circus ride
Self-assured but you don't care
Don't get blinded by the glare
What's there to decide?
What's there to decide?

10:24 a.m. ::
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