first class and I don't mean ticket
Tuesday, May. 27, 2003
Bucky came over fairly late Saturday night. After much ridiculas arguing and ex showing up at
Rick's place of employment looking to see if he knew where I was. Afterall "ex" decided when
it was convenient to bring Bucky over and so therefore it should have been convenient for me
even though I had no idea he had even decided it was "allowable" in the first place. I swear I
hate him. I was so angry with him and then Bucky showed up and within ten minutes all of that is
forgotten because it's all worth it if I get to see him. So Bucky tells me that ex and Ms. Cleaver argue all the time about his getting a divorce so that they can "BE TOGETHER". Hmmm...what the hell does she call what they are doing? I thought they were together? I think she's one of those women that needs to be married to believe a guy cares about her and she needs this from him because he's a lying cheating bastard and how in the world can she ever feel secure with that? None of this concerns me outside of the fact that my son is living there and again subjected to arguing between two people. This time not both of them are even his parents. He told me they close the bedroom door to argue but he can still hear it all.
In other related bullshit...Bucky told me that he locked his bedroom door one time to change his clothes during the afternoon and that Ms. Cleaver told him that he had to open the door and that he couldn't lock the door for privacy because it "wasn't his apartment it was hers!" Can you say bitch???? Yeah so can I.... But it's all sad. Bucky wants to come over for the summer, but now I am spending 26 weeks taking these stupid classes every Tuesday after work as part of this deferrment program and therefore I have no one to take care of him on Tuesdays. My hours at work have been drastically cut at a bad time... And there's just problems with the whole plan. I would love to take him all summer like he wants, and I believe he'll be with me at least 95% of the time anyways. I'll figure something out. Tuesday is not one of Rick's days off. (before you wonder)
I had a nice long weekend, maybe too long. Too much time to think. But then again I'm relaxed, I don't have a headache like I did for the last 3 weeks straight. I'm heading back into work in a few, taking my first class tonight. The first meeting with this counselor woman sucked so bad that I came home crying my eyes out. She asked a million questions about everything and it just all rubbed me the wrong way. Her referral to ex as "the victim" this and "the victim" that. That's pretty much all it took. He's a victim? I flipped on her saying "yeah and I was left homeless, I keep asking agencies like yours for help to no avail and all of this could have been avoided had someone helped me, so NO I don't think I will benefit from this program, I'm just here because I plead no contest to get this chapter of my life past me!!" Then I came home and cried all over Rick. He's always there for me when I'm crying.
Someone stole Rick's bike a few nights ago. Chloe barked but we ignored her. So...anyway...I view it as bad because that bike was the first thing I gave him. But perhaps it's good in the long run because that bike was previously ex's bike and "goodbye to the past..hello future" I say.
This is going to be a long day. First day back to work...first day of this stupid class. 25 more to go. Yeah.... 25 weeks of $21 a piece classes because he tried to restrain me and not let me leave with my own son and got a scratch. Justice is served????
-PoeticaL
