cluttering the net since 2001


Tuesday, Jan. 03, 2006
Sometimes it’s hard not to gush and write about things that are happening in my life. Sometimes it’s because people have asked me not to talk about them and other times its because I can’t talk about a boss or a co-worker or worse yet both in one possibly xxx story. Other times it’s because to gush about certain things means certain death. But then I sometimes get lulled into thinking along the lines of “oh who the heck reads my scribbling….and what harm could it cause?” way’s of thinking and blabber on and on despite my knowing better. (No one's reading this....it's just me here...right??) Sometimes I think something I write will be well received but mostly it’s when I am at my rawest level of humankind that people most relate. It is when a person carves their words directly from their soul that others can be truly moved. There were many nights in my past diary days when this was all I had to lean on...and it's just lately that I realize I didn't have a "thing" or a person per say I was leaning on but rather I was leaning on my own coping skills....ie: myself.

Sometimes I think I can and should write whatever my heart desires just like I did way back when I started. I mean who the heck reads this dribble save for a few people I already know online. But then I recall that my husband’s bosses wife knows where my diary is, my own son knows where my diary is and if you do a simple google search you might just find my vat’o writing.

Most of the time I think my life is rather mundane and commonplace. Until I make one of the following statements to someone.

1. My parents kicked me out of the house when I was 20.
2. I got married the first time after only 2 months time and I wasn’t pregnant
3. My ex-husband once pawned my necklace at a pawn shop and was stupid enough to take me to it a few months later to shop for something else…..

4. Oh…my mother’s never seen my child….yah never.
5. I’ve met people from the Internet (though this one doesn’t often garner much interest there are still some people out there that are oblivious to this medium for meeting people who raise an eyebrow and ask lots of questions)

6. My ex left me for the next door neighbor. (that one gets people’s attention)

7. Oh and the neighbor was married too. (jaw dropper statement there…)

8. My sister walked through a dead man’s decay of sludge to retrieve a digital camera once.

9. A married man took off his wedding ring and flew halfway across the United States to tell me someone cared.

10. My ex-husband had his first affair with a girl named Christmas and I found out about it on Thanksgiving.

11. My deceased father had the same first and middle names and same initial for the last name as my current husband.

12. My initials were KC and then they were KW and now they are KC again…but I still have never had a sunshine band.

13. I forgave my father after his complete absence from my life for 7 years.

14. I spent 2 years speaking to my father daily after that and previous to his untimely and somewhat gruesome death.

15. I was basically homeless twice in my life and saved from the streets both times by mere chance or circumstance and probably a hell of a lot of luck.

16. I own over 750 books.

17. I have read 52 books in one year and loved that year for it.

18. I wore white pants and a pink shirt to get married in 1991 and then I wore a wedding dress to get married in 2005.

19. I have been completely and utterly spine tingling love twice.

20. Neither of those times was with my first husband because he and I spent too much time trying to be friends.

21. I once got a hairdryer for Valentines Day (and then never used it.

22. I am going to college and I’m not paying for it and oh yah I’m not on a scholarship nor is it being paid via a family member gone to heaven and it’s not corporate deferral or military benefits either.

23. I once rang up a $1589 hotel bill in one night and the person I did that to (it was HIS credit card not mine) called me to apologize...he knew he deserved it. Go figure.

These are all rather normal statements for me but apparently not for the masses I have encountered in the world because they usually stop the conversation to ask me more questions about these things.

I suppose I did all of this rambling because every now and then you have a day or an hour or a few minutes when you realize that somehow we are all connected and sometimes you are intended to cross paths with certain butterflies in the forest for the sheer purpose of enjoyment of those moment’s. Sometimes there are ways to write about everything and everyone without really making it known to the mosquitoes in the forest either.

Sometimes we think our lives are mundane because they are ours. Sometimes we see other people’s lives as exciting but it’s only because they are different than ours. Sometimes we can relate or be understood and those moments are the ones that bridge us over the depths of oceans of tears.
9:04 p.m. ::
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