PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

fuck all

Thursday, Jan. 24, 2002

I have so much shit going through my mind today that I don’t know where to start or anything. First off, we supposedly paid off my car 2 months ago and still don’t have the title to it. I have been driving without car insurance for the last year almost because he got a D.U.I. and oh well…skip it all… I just want that title..that’s all.

Ok..I just called the company that held the car loan and they just told me that the loan was just paid off on December 21, 2001 and it takes 30 days to get the title back. So that explains that. He’s nothing but a liar..liar..liar. They’re going to send me some sort of lien release form via fax today. Then I called him at work and asked him “when did you pay the car off?” He said “In November.” I said “uh..ok…are you going to call them?” He said “yeah..gimme an hour”.

Does he think I’m stupid? I told “him” about this whole mess last night and he was the one that caused me to get up off my ass and stick up for myself and say something about all of this. Its insanity to drive with no car insurance…..just nerve wracking and argh…

Because I made the mistake of marrying someone this way, am I going to have these insane problems for the rest of my life? I just…its all scary…

I’ve just spent the last hour trying to get a banking credit inquiry from Wells Fargo Bank….some day I hate everything about my life!!!!

I got an email today from a fellow diarylander….he told me the following….basically…

The minute you move out, the courts will always see that as abandoning. My ex did it, and I could have gotten full custody.

My suggestion, if I can, would be to ask him to go, for awhile. If you leave the marital home, your basically telling the courts, (if it goes that way) that you gave up.

You can always file for separation and ask for money. They will usually give it temporarly to help you maintain the home. (I'm talking more than just child support)

OK, good luck


I have gotten this advice before…and I understand it. But I have no choice. The house is up for foreclosure. I can’t stay there. I can’t afford to move into a decent place…he can. At this point, my son is better off with him. If I’m bad for making the decision that’s best for “Bucky” well then shoot me. I simply can’t afford to take him and assure him that I can provide for him. If I know that I can’t, then am I not making the best decision for him?

Here’s my choices…

1. stay in the fucked up marriage I am in in complete fear of losing my son
2. leave and concede that I simply can’t provide for him and try to be as involved in his life as possible
3. say fuck all and jump off a bridge somewhere….
FUCK ALL….
1:13 p.m. ::
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