PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

fuck talking to ex

Wednesday, Mar. 12, 2003
I haven�t updated because I�ve been living life. I�ve been busy spending time with Bucky and Rick. I have been busy driving my new truck, reading books, drinking coffee and basically taking a huge much needed breather. I�ve been calmer and cooler and mentally better.

And then I make one phone call asking ex if he�ll agree to allow me to take Bucky to NC if and when I take that job there working for �him�. And�BOOM�.can you say nightmare? He didn�t say no but then there we are screaming and yelling at each other about all the shit that went down in our marriage. He says he�s happy now because he�s not lying to her. Oh hell�whatever. Who does he think I am? Sure�he went from lying daily at the drop of a hat to being Mr. Honesty? C�mon do people change? Can they? C�mon I don�t buy it. I was so quick to let him have my son, thinking I couldn�t �.fuck this is all so confusing and impossible to explain in words here. And then we�re back talking about rape, and cheating and pregnancy tests without explanation, all the lies and issues and bad events of a twelve year marriage. He claims he was faithful for ten years�.whatever�again I don�t believe him. He says he can and does trust her because he�s with her all of the time. Whatever! They have to be together all the time so they can trust one another? Sure that�s normal�whatever. And then we�re screaming and he says �and this is how every conversation always ends.� And I hung up.

People don�t change in a matter of months. They don�t go from climbing out of bed at 4 a.m. lying about going for breakfast to being all the things he says he is now. He says he�s happy�great. I don�t care. I just want my son. And I don�t want him dictating to me�.what I can and will have in my life.

I want Rick and Bucky and myself to move to NC and I want to work for �him� at a job I already know will be an amazing opportunity and the only way I�m taking no for an answer is if I�m halfdead and being run over by a truck at the moment. I know what I want, I have most of it already�.and damn it I�m not giving up any part of my own life just because one man couldn�t keep his dick in his pants long enough to build a life with me.

Faithful man who loves me? Check
Beautiful blue eyed son who fills the world with joy? Check
Job opportunity in a warm beach climate working for someone I have huge amounts of respect for? Check

Deadbeat disease invested piece of shit for an ex going to stop me? (Absolutely no check)

I�m happier than he can lie himself into being, even for the sake of a conversation with me. I am blessed, I have my health, I will have a new family with more gifts from God, I know I was given a return on all my pain from the past. All of this and there are always just two reasons to persevere and chase my dreams �Bucky, Rick�..just two huge reasons.
-PoeticaL


we both read you everyday and talk about you. you are our favorite link : )

note: Thank you Trace and Lori! Thanks for your eyetime�and thanks Trace for being someone I can tell anything to without judgement. 8-)
1:10 p.m. ::
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