half-baked

The following is my half baked opinion but isn�t that the nature of online diaries?

My boyfriend thinks this entire diary keeping deal is a fly by night waste of time. He thinks that writing about your personal life in a public forum isn�t cool. Of course this is my take on things.

He has made comments to me that �those people are all fucked, they don�t even know you!� And I think (although I have not verified this with him�) that he thinks this regardless of what a person says to me in my guestbook.

The fact of the matter is that if you write and anyone else is going to read it, you are always completely aware that you have an audience. It most definitely is not the same as writing in a notebook where no one will ever see it.

I�m not so afraid of my notebook thoughts that I have to hide�.and outside of all the angry rants about stupid lame arguments with same said boyfriend over stupid stuff that�s really just caused I think by my �fucked in the head� issues and stress related stuff, I do write it here.

I write about my bad days, my problems with my ex, my issues with my son, my confusion over events. I discuss it all, the good, the bad, the ugly�. I�m me. I like myself, faults and all. Sure I�d like to be perfect but since that will most definitely never happen I�m ok with it.

My boyfriend, he�s pretty cool. He�s cool to put up with my bad days, my messed up angry ways, my confusion, and my loss of clarity haze. He�s awesome to make me dinner on his day off, especially that dinner. It was awesome too, even though he thinks he can�t cook.

I think he rocks. I hope I make him happy. I try. I hope that once all the divorce stuff, legal stuff has passed, that he and I can hang out together and chill out and enjoy life the way it�s meant to be enjoyed, peacefully.

Both my former therapist Bernie and my current shrinkage guy have told me that most people in my situation would be on the streets smoking crack and that I am doing quite well with it all. Also, my current guy likes my diary, he said its quite entertaining. Live it..it�s not entertainment all the time. It�s chaos, it�s insanity from some people�s point of view.

But �I�m a fun person to be around especially when I don�t have all this shi�zit going on in my life. I�m also entertaining, interesting, etc� If it weren�t true you wouldn�t be reading this last line right now. :-)

-PoeticaL