PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

half-baked

Friday, Aug. 22, 2003
The following is my half baked opinion but isnít that the nature of online diaries?

My boyfriend thinks this entire diary keeping deal is a fly by night waste of time. He thinks that writing about your personal life in a public forum isnít cool. Of course this is my take on things.

He has made comments to me that ďthose people are all fucked, they donít even know you!Ē And I think (although I have not verified this with himÖ) that he thinks this regardless of what a person says to me in my guestbook.

The fact of the matter is that if you write and anyone else is going to read it, you are always completely aware that you have an audience. It most definitely is not the same as writing in a notebook where no one will ever see it.

Iím not so afraid of my notebook thoughts that I have to hideÖ.and outside of all the angry rants about stupid lame arguments with same said boyfriend over stupid stuff thatís really just caused I think by my ďfucked in the headĒ issues and stress related stuff, I do write it here.

I write about my bad days, my problems with my ex, my issues with my son, my confusion over events. I discuss it all, the good, the bad, the uglyÖ. Iím me. I like myself, faults and all. Sure Iíd like to be perfect but since that will most definitely never happen Iím ok with it.

My boyfriend, heís pretty cool. Heís cool to put up with my bad days, my messed up angry ways, my confusion, and my loss of clarity haze. Heís awesome to make me dinner on his day off, especially that dinner. It was awesome too, even though he thinks he canít cook.

I think he rocks. I hope I make him happy. I try. I hope that once all the divorce stuff, legal stuff has passed, that he and I can hang out together and chill out and enjoy life the way itís meant to be enjoyed, peacefully.

Both my former therapist Bernie and my current shrinkage guy have told me that most people in my situation would be on the streets smoking crack and that I am doing quite well with it all. Also, my current guy likes my diary, he said its quite entertaining. Live it..itís not entertainment all the time. Itís chaos, itís insanity from some peopleís point of view.

But ÖIím a fun person to be around especially when I donít have all this shiízit going on in my life. Iím also entertaining, interesting, etcÖ If it werenít true you wouldnít be reading this last line right now. :-)

-PoeticaL
11:10 a.m. ::
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