PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

happy new year 07!

Sunday, Dec. 31, 2006
First and foremost��Reason #876,321,009.112.876,534,321,110 I pick Rick�.he let me watch the 2006 Quill Book Awards when the Tampa Bay Buc�s were playing on another channel and Poker Championships were on another. IE: He missed two shows for me to watch Judy Blume announce a winner�.and Julie Powell act like an asshat when interviewed by Al Roker. She�s seriously sad�and what an ugly dress she had on. Ugly!!!

Secondly�the doctor�s visit. Here�s the scoop. I will be scheduled for another D&C within the month of January sometime to see if there are any pre-cancerous cells still present. I will also be taking more of the lovely drug I�ve been on. If there are no more pre-cancerous cells�.then we can speak about fertility drugs. If there are pre-cancerous cells present�we will then be debating a hysterectomy. Either way I am strongly desiring health and resolution to the entire matter. Resolution would be good.

Thirdly I would like to say I have accepted that I am going to be an Aunty and that this is a blessing for everyone involved�.despite it�s painful side affects. I am realizing that my life is nothing if not blessed. I am a lucky girl to have all that I have. There is also a huge part of me that realizes that I am on the homestretch of raising my son�.if he were a turkey (and he�s not!) his timer button would be nearly about to pop up. I�m not sure I want to be watching a child graduate from college when I am 60!! I have made the pro�s/cons list in my head and I have to admit it�s nearly even. On an emotional want level it�s all on the side of Rick and I having a family of our own�a child of our own. On the logical realistic side of life�.it�s all on the side of not having more children.

On the pro side: Rick and I have a baby�how could anything be any sweeter? Seriously, I love my husband and wonder what life we will build without a child between us. Not that our life is bad now..it�s absolutely not. Its just sometimes hollow for me to be married and not be able to share parenthood with him.

On the con side: late nights..no sleep�.more expense� no traveling in my old age�.responsiblity�the rest of my adult life dedicated to another child�.no enjoying my middle ages�.daycare�.pre-school�.Halloween costumes to put together�diapers�.dried up formula bottles�blah blah blah�.I�ve been there done that. (the only thing that kills me with this train of thought�.Rick hasn�t�.refer to pro side now�)

I honestly just really want to be healthy and move on emotionally from this.

I can�t not mention that my doctor noticed a much better outcome in my menses when I was taking that longass list of vitamins that a few people emailed me to tell me was worthless. Hmm�.doctors words were �I�m not a holistic doctor but keep doing whatever you did in Sept and Oct and and forget November because those months were perfect. What did I quit doing? I quit taking my long list of vitamins. What have I begun to do again? Started taking the vitamins again.

Lastly�this is New Year�s Eve and I must say I have only one New Year�s Resolution and that is the same one I�ve had for several years now. Be happy�.in all that I do find joy�.simply be happy.

I have also decided to finally read �Infinite Jest� by David Foster Wallace.

I think if I manage to be happy and finally conquer that book�.it will be a good year.

Passing math in Jan would make me very happy all year.


2:11 p.m. ::
prev :: next