cluttering the net since 2001

hello its me...goodbye it's you..what should I do?

Monday, Jul. 29, 2002
Brad: your internet bullshit is going to get you into trouble
Brad: no i live in wilm and you didnt ask you were trying to tell me ft brag is in fay and its not
me: so that's why I was asking you to explain cause you live in NC
Brad: you better think twice about what your doing before you do it
me: why's my internet bullshit going to get me into trouble?
me: me: he thinks you're bad for me
t: of course I am bad for you...
t: I am a man
Brad: because its not going to turn out the way you are hoping
Brad: dont fucken involve me as a 3rd party you got it
Brad: Im getting to the point where i dont want a fucken thing to do with you
Yahoo! Messenger: Brad has logged out. (7/29/02 at 12:02 AM)

I’ve heard that line before..eh? lol….whatever I was the one that told him off and he’s pissed. I just wanted to know about Fort Bragg.

“t”: kristy..
me: t?...
“t”: I hate to do this..
me: you gotta go to work
“t”: but I should do some...exactly
me: s'ok
“t”: I will drop you an email later ok?
me: yeah ok

…..long pause

“t”: this is strange..
me: what is?
“t”: nobody saying anything
“t”: like..
“t”: you go first
me: lol
“t”: I will talk with you later ok?
me: ok
“t”: buh bye for now...
me: bye bye t
“t”: *hugs* ok
me: yup
“t”: g'night
me: g'night

I still have this complacent feeling where Brad is concerned. What the fuck ever is my attitude on that. It’s just like he said Friday afternoon on the phone , “if I ever wanted you here with me, you woulda been here a long ass time ago!” Yeah…so why’s he get so pissed off about my talking about “t” or asking him to explain to me the location of FayetteNam (nice damn nick for what sounds like a shithole) in relation to Fort Bragg. What’s he fucking care? After all “if he ever wanted me to be there with him, I woulda already been there!” Right? Yeah same bullshit for 2 ½ years. Say one thing, do something else. He doesn’t want me so why can’t I go ask him about Fort Bragg?

Then I talk to ‘t’ for less than an hour after two nights in a row of 8 hours each. 16 hours and then 1? And so he says he’s gotta go and I know he does, cause he spent all that 16 hours blowing off work for me. And yet…we both…sit there in this silence. Cause it just sucks. And ya know what I question if it would always suck. Something else would always have his full attention. His first love, the military. Do I want to compete with that? Deal with that? Think about that? Keep going down this path? I mean fuck I see what it was like with Brad doing the long distance thing. I did it on and off for the last 2 ½ years. Sure it’d be different with someone that you really did meet up with, but still.

And then the other thing that bites, had I known I was only gonna talk to him for an hour I woulda said something far more prolific or brilliant than what we did talk about. I guess that’s why you always assume that you have an hour even if you have 8. *sigh* I got too used to that….too fast. And now I’m trying to pull back quickly because…because everything good that happens to me always carries a razor blade consequence.

One last thing, “t” doesn’t give a rats ass what I say to Brad nor does he care if I speak about him in my diary. He says “that’s your place to rant…have at it” Bleeding Ink/Quixotic…that’s where he goes to read my words. And that’s really rather kewl….


I'm way down here
Wonderin' how
I'm gonna get you
But I know now
I'll just cry, cry, I'll just cry

96 Tears
? and The Mysterians
1:13 a.m. ::
prev :: next