hello its me...goodbye it's you..what should I do?

Brad: your internet bullshit is going to get you into trouble
Brad: no i live in wilm and you didnt ask you were trying to tell me ft brag is in fay and its not
me: so that's why I was asking you to explain cause you live in NC
Brad: you better think twice about what your doing before you do it
me: why's my internet bullshit going to get me into trouble?
me: me: he thinks you're bad for me
t: of course I am bad for you...
t: I am a man
Brad: because its not going to turn out the way you are hoping
Brad: dont fucken involve me as a 3rd party you got it
Brad: Im getting to the point where i dont want a fucken thing to do with you
Yahoo! Messenger: Brad has logged out. (7/29/02 at 12:02 AM)

I�ve heard that line before..eh? lol�.whatever I was the one that told him off and he�s pissed. I just wanted to know about Fort Bragg.

�t�: kristy..
me: t?...
�t�: I hate to do this..
me: you gotta go to work
�t�: but I should do some...exactly
me: s'ok
�t�: I will drop you an email later ok?
me: yeah ok

�..long pause

�t�: this is strange..
me: what is?
�t�: nobody saying anything
�t�: like..
�t�: you go first
me: lol
�t�: I will talk with you later ok?
me: ok
�t�: buh bye for now...
me: bye bye t
�t�: *hugs* ok
me: yup
�t�: g'night
me: g'night



I still have this complacent feeling where Brad is concerned. What the fuck ever is my attitude on that. It�s just like he said Friday afternoon on the phone , �if I ever wanted you here with me, you woulda been here a long ass time ago!� Yeah�so why�s he get so pissed off about my talking about �t� or asking him to explain to me the location of FayetteNam (nice damn nick for what sounds like a shithole) in relation to Fort Bragg. What�s he fucking care? After all �if he ever wanted me to be there with him, I woulda already been there!� Right? Yeah same bullshit for 2 � years. Say one thing, do something else. He doesn�t want me so why can�t I go ask him about Fort Bragg?

Then I talk to �t� for less than an hour after two nights in a row of 8 hours each. 16 hours and then 1? And so he says he�s gotta go and I know he does, cause he spent all that 16 hours blowing off work for me. And yet�we both�sit there in this silence. Cause it just sucks. And ya know what I question if it would always suck. Something else would always have his full attention. His first love, the military. Do I want to compete with that? Deal with that? Think about that? Keep going down this path? I mean fuck I see what it was like with Brad doing the long distance thing. I did it on and off for the last 2 � years. Sure it�d be different with someone that you really did meet up with, but still.

And then the other thing that bites, had I known I was only gonna talk to him for an hour I woulda said something far more prolific or brilliant than what we did talk about. I guess that�s why you always assume that you have an hour even if you have 8. *sigh* I got too used to that�.too fast. And now I�m trying to pull back quickly because�because everything good that happens to me always carries a razor blade consequence.

One last thing, �t� doesn�t give a rats ass what I say to Brad nor does he care if I speak about him in my diary. He says �that�s your place to rant�have at it� Bleeding Ink/Quixotic�that�s where he goes to read my words. And that�s really rather kewl�.

-PoeticaL

I'm way down here
Wonderin' how
I'm gonna get you
But I know now
I'll just cry, cry, I'll just cry

96 Tears
? and The Mysterians