Happy Mothers Day '06

Every year Mother�s Day roles around and I hang from the cliff of my mental emotinonal breakdown. I fight with whomever is near me, around me�close to me. Because I am hurting in a deep deep place. Every year I talk myself into thinking that I am over it, okay with it, bigger than it. I even pretend that I feel nothing towards it or about it. I am a walking contradiction for the few days that lead up to the day.

And during the last two years I have added to the pile of reasons to ache on this day because I want another child. I want to have a baby with my new husband. I want to build a new life constantly..new new� I want to give him everything and this is the one thing he wants most.

Yesterday I cried. Today I cried. I�m full of tears. And then tonight�I read this and thenthis and I am away from the edge and I�m cowering in the middle realizing that I am blessed. I have a wonderful son. I have experienced so much joy that it far outweighs my pain. I have tomorrow�to be with my family. I still have hope for the future�.I have had�.and still have�so much�and now I cry for someone I�ve never met�and thank her for her words from so long ago. The written word is so powerful�.I am in awe.

Happy Mother�s Day to every mother who never had her day�.