cluttering the net since 2001

Happy Mothers Day '06

Saturday, May. 13, 2006
Every year Mother’s Day roles around and I hang from the cliff of my mental emotinonal breakdown. I fight with whomever is near me, around me…close to me. Because I am hurting in a deep deep place. Every year I talk myself into thinking that I am over it, okay with it, bigger than it. I even pretend that I feel nothing towards it or about it. I am a walking contradiction for the few days that lead up to the day.

And during the last two years I have added to the pile of reasons to ache on this day because I want another child. I want to have a baby with my new husband. I want to build a new life constantly..new new… I want to give him everything and this is the one thing he wants most.

Yesterday I cried. Today I cried. I’m full of tears. And then tonight…I read this and thenthis and I am away from the edge and I’m cowering in the middle realizing that I am blessed. I have a wonderful son. I have experienced so much joy that it far outweighs my pain. I have tomorrow…to be with my family. I still have hope for the future….I have had….and still have…so much…and now I cry for someone I’ve never met…and thank her for her words from so long ago. The written word is so powerful….I am in awe.

Happy Mother’s Day to every mother who never had her day….

11:20 p.m. ::
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