PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

how to destroy a mans life

Sunday, Mar. 24, 2002

FROM: Jess jess$*&@(#@yahoo.com
TO: poeticalgirl@hotmail.com
SUBJECT: HELP!
Date: Sun, 24 Mar 2002 12:38:54 -0800 (PST)

How do I destroy someone's life?? A lying bastard's life??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Apparently Jess can pick out a higher caliber man than I can. I should be taking all her advice in my guestbook…NOT!!! But…I’m so nice I actually have answers for her….

How to ruin a mans life

1.
Cover the floor of his dwelling entirely with set mouse traps and then release a truckload of rats in there. Be sure to provide them with a last supper before you release them.

2.
Chew up a hundred pieces of gum and then put a piece of sticky gum in every book that he owns

3.
Get a wire brush used for cleaning difficult items and clean his CD's thoroughly for him.

4.
Write him a nice love letter using brake fluid. Might as well put it on the hood of his car so he'll be sure to see it.

5.
Use his credit cards to purchase cases of ex-lax for him. He'll appreciate that you saved him the time. (we all know he's full of shit right?!)

6.
Cut out heart shapes from his sheets so that when he crawls into his bed he knows how very much you love him.

7
Fill his Jacuzzi bath tub with jello packets and turn it on. He’ll adore you for doing something so sweet.

8.
Draw a mural of his very small penis on his living room wall and then charge admission to his neighbors telling them it’s a crying “jesus” and when they get in and see it you can reveal that it’s really a “lying penis”. . Use the proceeds to buy him a case of “miracle grow”.

9
Check his tires for puncture resistance with an ice pick. Be sure to enjoy a margarita while doing so just for the fuck of it.

10
Place large globs of super glue into every pair of underwear, boxers and pants that he owns. Memories of you will stick to him for life this way.

11
Write a letter of resignation to his boss from him. He’s always hated that job anyways. Be sure to tell his boss exactly every detail that he never liked about him just so that he can clear the air in the meantime.

12
Buy his mother and his grandmother a vibrator for Mother’s Day with a note addressed from him stating how much he thinks they need some stress relief.

And last but not least be sure to tell him you faked every orgasm he ever provided. He’ll argue with you that this is not true. But he’ll wonder about the validity of such for life.


Good Luck Jess! ;-)
6:34 p.m. ::
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