PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

How?

Sunday, Jul. 21, 2002
How do you agree to be just friends with someone that you have a stronger connection with than any other single person? How do you accept that thatís all it can ever be? How do you convince yourself that itís a good idea to distance yourself from the one person that you feel the closest to? How do you weed through all the reasons that itís a bad thing to pursue anything more? How do you do these things when you are convinced that you love this person more than life? How do you accept that you have to do these things because of logic when emotion is so strong? How do you let go of the only good thing youíve ever known? How do you tell yourself that these are things you must do even though you donít want to? How do you begin? How do you forget that he was the one person that was there every time no one else was? How do you begin to remove your longing? How do you love less? How do you let go? How do you forget? How do you forget the way his voice changes when you say that you could just walk away to let him be happy? How do you remember every lie and remind yourself of why you said them? How do you stop playing a thousand conversations over and over in your mind like theyíre beautiful songs? How do you stop going back to those same haunts where itís drizzling candy and melting harshness? How do you stop wanting things that you have wanted for so long? How do you stop hearing that change in his voice? How do you stop recognizing that thereís a line that connects you together? How do you break a line that also ties you to your oxygen? How do you walk that tight rope of in between everything and going nowhere? How do you deal with all of this and not lose your mind? How do you remind yourself that there is so much wrong when there is still so much that is good? How do you justify that when he asked how you think he feels about you and you said I think you think of me as a friend you still were lying after you said youíd never do that again? How do you keep all of these run on emotional sentences from getting tangled up with the only logical answer that there is to this confusion? How do you spend all day talking about sex and then forget that heís the one person you want to make love to? How do you let go of the only person you want to truly be one with? How do you stop yourself from going to the same edge of the same cliff and not wanting to jump again? How do you love someone just enough that you can be their friend and not want more? How do you agree to be just friends with someone that you have a stronger connection with than any other single person? How? How? How?
3:24 a.m. ::
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