i hate everything

Fact of the matter is I did hit him first, but it was more of a push

away from me. Secondly, even if I hauled off and hit him he punched me,

kicked me, and went so far as to spit on me.

The saddest part is that I continually apologize and he continually doesn't.

I continually feel like the failure and for months he's been telling me I'm a fuck up. What a nice guy...someone who loves you can't say those things to you. Ever.

saddest part of this story, he insists that I move out and everything in here is mine....that's just spite...hateful spite and for what? All because his treatment of me makes me feel less than?

I've gotten myself so convinced that somehow I don't deserve anything good. That I deserve to feel this shitty all the time.

Now I'll spend the next two days banging my head against the wall...wanting something that will never come to me. Wanting peace that never comes....

check out trulynothing.diaryland's last entry in july whereby he was copy/pasting my entry from then and replying to it. Sad...sad....here we are 3 months later and the same shit is happening....same shit....same shit...and more of the same shit....