PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

i know i said i don't but then sometimes i do

Friday, Oct. 11, 2002
I called the school. Here’s what happened. There was an armed robbery in the trailer park neighborhood behind the school. The police called and informed the school that there was a robbery just reported and a gun was involved and the assailant was not caught. So the school went into official “lock down” and all the students were moved into the interior of the building and were instructed to sit with their heads down for their own safety. This is far easier to swallow than the notion that a armed man was walking around the school grounds. Either way, Bucky’s fine. His little smile walked right into school this morning. He turned around and said, “I shoulda brought my super soaker.” And while something about that makes me laugh, the idea that he thinks he can defend himself with a squirt gun, in the big scheme of things I realize I’m going to have to sit down and explain that you can’t fight violence with violence. A gun won’t protect you from a gun.

I’m in a great mood today. I started out that way. It was talking to “t” last night. He puts me in the best of moods. Just knowing that he’s ok and having that contact puts me in a different frame of mind. It makes me thankful every time. I believe he’s doing the best he can to keep in touch. Things are just really crazy over there.

I walked into work and sat down like most every other day. Only today I got SWAMPED! SWAMP ASSED first thing in the morning!!!! My pants are still wet, and for the most part I’m in a great mood, but I am feeling tired and physically drained. This week has not been a good one physically. I swear I’m paying for all those months when I was just a pseudo girl. What am I talking about? I am entertaining my friend, your friend, everyone’s friend I swear is having a big bash of a brutal party in my uterus. My uterus is not used to all of this activity and some strange and disgusting things are taking place. I am miserable physically but mentally I am alive and I feel vital somehow.

I swear Amenorrhea fucks my mental outlook all to hell.

What is Amenorrhea? You can read for yourself here

“Estrogen dominance may be the true culprit when symptoms or conditions such as weight gain (despite exercise and dieting), breast tenderness or lumpiness, irregular or abnormal menstruation, thyroid dysfunction, fibroid tumors, PMS, fatigue, insomnia, loss of sexual desire, some cases of infertility and/or inability to maintain pregnancy, migraine headaches, and cold hands and feet occur.”

I can’t believe I’m talking about this, but I hate the fact that there are so many disorders and issues that we as a society largely ignore. As evidenced by husband’s freaky disorder, a lot of mental disorders, cancer, etc. So many things are considered taboo.

Well let me just say this, this is a huge issue that affects lots of woman, and yet everyone assumes that everyone has a period. When I tell anyone, especially men for some reason, they just act like surely I’m lying and sure sure, I’d make that up and discuss it just for shits and grins.

So I worry constantly that my body is all messed up. I fight this constant weight issue knowing somewhere in my head that I can run around the world a million times, eat water for life and still I’d fight this problem because there truly is something physically wrong. How in the world do you explain this stuff to people around you without breaking out some highly personal stuff?

The even odder thing, I have lost 6 lbs this week and mentally I do feel better. I know it’s a hormone problem.

On my list of things to do

1. talk to a doctor about clinical depression
2. talk to a doctor about Progesterone

I know that was all far too much information. If you read that, you learned something today.

PoeticaL
10:20 a.m. ::
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