PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

illin'?

Thursday, Aug. 08, 2002
Donít give me shit about thisÖor about the fact that Iím posting my life in chat. I am enjoying the wind chimes while there is a breeze. There will come times when I canít speak to him pretty much anytime I want. yoyo=husband. Someday when Iím staring at nothing, Iíll be back to write something else. Maybe tomorrow Iíll have a t free day here.

t: ;-)

me: hey you

t: hey you....

t: how ya doing

me: ok but can i tell you about somethin

t: whats that babe

me: yoyo...somethings been wrong with him physically

me: last week and a half or something

t: whats that?

me: so he went to the doctor

me: a few days ago

t: ok

me: they sent him to get an MRI right away

me: he can hardly walk right

t: ok

me: he's hobbling around complaining about his legs...being numb

t: ok

me: so anyways....this is gonna sound bad on my part but...

me: here goes

me: i gotta tell someone

me: its driving me nuts

t: ok

me: when they wanted him to go

me: i didn't go with him

t: ok

me: he called me wanting me to go to the MRI thing with him

me: I begged off saying I couldn't leave work

t: ok

me: but as bad as this is

me: I just don't really care

me: its not in my heart to care

me: how horrible am I?

me: i mean...I don't wish him bad...I just really don't feel anything about it

t: not at all

me: so just now.....this is why I'm saying this..

t: ok

me: just now some other doctors office called saying he needs to go in there on Monday at 2:30 p.m. for the results

t: ok

me: and I say "ok what's this doctors name and stuff?"

t: ok

me: and this chick says "you dont' even know where your husband went to the doctor when he's sick?"

me: I got sorta ticked....like its any of her business..

t: yep

me: so I said "nope...you wanna call his girlfriend in NY and tell her? maybe she cares???"

t: LOL

t: and?

me: then she was just like "um...ok let me give you the phone number...you will give it to him won't you?"

t: LOL

t: ok

me: I said, "hey I'm not the bad one here, he's the cheater...I'll give it to him, from now on mind your own business ..k?"

t: lol

me: i know...see how nasty I am

t: not at all

me: but then see... heres the thing

t: whats that

me: the last time I was always trying to avoid him...get away from him etc.....

me: he claimed chest pains

t: yep

me: we spent all this money on tests..doctors...drugs...

me: and then nothing ever came of it

me: all tests came back inconclusive

me: so he can go play sick all by himself

me: i don't care

t: right

me: its all some load of "lets make her care about me again" crap

t: ok...and

me: and I'm not going on Monday

me: and if somethings wrong with him...oh well...

me: and yup...this makes me wonder what kind of nasty person I am

t: not at all

t: do you think it is a ploy

me: yesterday he was hobbling around the kitchen like he couldn't walk right...

me: then a half hour later or so he was in Bucky's room tickling him

me: I Just don't buy that

t: true

t: true

me: if I don't feel well I'm not feeling well always

t: yep

me: but it sucks cause there's that part of you that's like "oh nice...watch them tell him he's got some neurological disorder that's fatal and I'll be aghast with shame"

t: nope

me: does any of this make any sense?

t: yes it does

me: this stupidity has been goin on for days now

t: ok

me: and I just ignore him and his "my legs this..." "my legs that.."

me: I want to say "hey you're legs were working fine when you were knee deep in your whore....go tell her about it"

t: yep

t: LOL

me: i can't help it

me: this is just how I feel

me: there's just that really good person inside of me screaming "how did i get so cold like this?"

me: it sorta breaks my heart

t: nobody can blame you

me: argh...so ya see the crap I have flying through my head?

t: yep..

t: my baby...

t: *muah*

t: all better?

me: ty t

me: just ty for letting me tell someone

t: :-)

me: i'm really not this wicked girl...with wicked bad I dont' give a f**k thoughts"

t: I know babe

me: he made me numb

me: towards him

me: he did that not me

t: true

3:00 p.m. ::
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