PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

imperfect

Thursday, Sept. 15, 2005
In this world no one is perfect. I understand that. As the wedding date inches and creeps its happy way closer I have found that I am truly evaluating everything as I step up to the altar again. I have considered over the last few weeks all of my reasons (immeasurable really!) I pick Rick. I talk about those often, even have a page of them on the www in case I forget any of them, because they are much like charms on an old antique charm bracelet, priceless and worth display.



On the flip side, because this world is not perfect, I have considered the things I am not high on. Yes, there is that ugly list of traits and things we put up with from our partner in life that we must evaluate to determine acceptability percentages before we say “I do!” Yes, if my heart had not dictated to me that it wanted what it wanted and that was his arms around me every night until there were no more nights in my life, then I might have done this determination report in my own mind prior to proposing to him. But I didn’t, because I’m a person that is guided by my wistful dreams of princess worlds where the fluffiest of beds can ward off that nasty nagging of the pea.



I have read all of the statistics for second marriages, performed all of the exorcism’s necessary, heck I’d even go so far as to admit here that I finally verbally admitted to my own personal struggle with giving up “chaos”. Chaos was my best friend for a long time and when she left with the ex, I struggled with her absence like a druggie wanting for the needle. I finally admitted to Rick that I create chaos and start imaginary arguments to hopefully invite chaos back because I lived so long with her that I didn’t know how to live without her.



Oh heck, enough with the formalities…..here’s my list of faults that he has, because nope I’m not in denial that he has some. (ie: these are things I would change if I could, but somehow I have learned to live with them because love is the band-aid that soothes the rough edge of human fault)



1. he leaves his dirty socks rolled up in sweaty balls under the coffee table - GROSS

2. he struggles to coral his dirty clothes into one place – Amazingly, when I placed a laundry basket next to his usual spot he did start to throw his dirty clothes into it…but man it’s in the living room right where we sit, I don’t really want to sit in there next to his dirty sweat soaked work clothes – GROSS

3. he has an addiction to a wooden backscratcher, if he can’t find it he asks me where it is, the biggest thing that urks me about this is that the backscratcher was formerly owned by the ex (and yes I told him that) – GROSS

4. he smokes and this doesn’t particularly bother me, but the health affects concern me because I listen to them most every morning, it’s hard to love someone and watch them kill themselves slowly, and the ashtrays everywhere are – GROSS

5. the truck is always always always dirty, and smells like a big ashtray – GROSS

6. he never puts away his clean clothes, just pulls them out of the basket and puts them on, then there are dirty baskets and clean baskets and not knowing the difference is – GROSS

7. he gets angry with me if I fall asleep on the couch, but he gets agitated when I wake him up so that I can physically crawl into bed (waking him is necessary so that he will move which will allow me to crawl into the bed!)

8. he doesn’t answer his cell phone nearly enough

9. he drinks out of the milk carton

10. he doesn’t get his hair cut nearly enough…he looks so sexy when he’s been newly shorn I wish he’d get more haircuts.



Ok …so I’ve asked myself if any of the above ten things would cause me to lose my mind….and while they aggravate me, the answer is no. Besides, I’m working on training him out of some of them. Nope, not trying to change him, nor do I even think I can. I’m just trying to alleviate the strain I feel over these stupid things. But to say they don’t exist, would be wrong of me. They do. Just as I know that I myself do things that would land on his list of things about me that irritate him.



Like how I hide peanut butter or how I don’t always remember to flush the toilet right away. *shrugs*



The good news is…..I still wanna get married. :-)
10:57 a.m. ::
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