PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

i need to breath

Thursday, Aug. 29, 2002
When youíre screaming ďI fucking hate youĒ over phone lines for 15 minutes, itís just time to do something. I think I met my final straw ten minutes ago. At lunchtime today Iím going to buy a ticket and Iím going to hang out with someone for the weekend. I donít think heís ever going to get anything I try to say. Letís just say, he stole every penny I had in my pocket without a word, without remorse. My son has no lunch money and Daddy spent $65 on doctors bills for an illness thatís I believe is self created! And when I questioned him he said, Ďso whatí.

I think Iím gonna go spend a week somewhere else. I get paid tomorrow and Iím going to go catch a plane. I just know that I reached out to someone and they more than reached back and right now I really need someone to just be my friend. I swear if Iím wrong to trust him again, Iím going to be in sad shape. But I gotta trust someone and we all know I canít trust the one I live with.

And yeahÖtÖ.tís the only person I truly care about outside of Bucky, but tís a world away and he canít do anythingÖand ÖI gotta do something all by myself and do the best thing I can. A thousand emails isnít going to fix any of this.

His words.. ďthat stuff is just not kewl, if you need to come up and just chill and you need time, Iíll hold ya, weíll talk, Iíll do the best I can to be there for youÖ.if you need somewhere to breathÖĒ

Yeah he said, ďif you need somewhere to breathÖĒ And I am just so tired of turning blue.. I didnít call and ask him for anything. I called in tears and he was willing to be there for me all by himself.
9:31 a.m. ::
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