PoeticaL
cluttering the net since 2001

judgemental people suck

Wednesday, Apr. 24, 2002
I just got this note from seraphim77

“you are a fawkin wacko. Lyin drama queen to eighth power. Your life is unbelievably hectic and you propagate by remaining in the situations you create or just accept. I used to read your diary all the time, you were a favorite of mine. I thought you were a torn soul. I have taken you off now you are abso fawkin lutely nuts to do the shit you do. Sorry, please delete this ASAP. It's for your eyes only”

First off…she had some problems with spelling. But I’ll overlook that and say…maybe she has a point but the way she went about it was like ‘hey you’re fucked so dumpin you’ Why did she feel the need to address me once and only once and only to insult me? That’s the thing about mankind that I can’t ever get used to. Talk to me only when you are saying goodbye?

Secondly. I haven’t remained in any situation that was something I created or just accepted. I chose my son over all else. Period. And I’d be curious to know if she has children. As I never have read her diary or had interest in doing so, I don’t plan to read it now to find out.

And last but not least just like I told MP recently. “I have to wonder about people on diaryland.” I am not perfect. This is my online tablet and I chose to show all sides of myself. Lately yup…I’ve been confused and rather fucked. Thanks for dumping out when the times got tough. It shows me that whatever you were worth wasn’t worth much in the end.

Oh…one last thing. I have only lied to one person. Him. Not that lying is right ever. But I have my reasons. It’s called a complete disillusionment on my part that led me to this bad place where I am now. I chose to trust in him and believe in him and when he turned out to be someone other than what I saw him as….I lied. Lied about it all because it confused me, hurt me…led me astray.

Something else that I’ve been meaning to address. My husband. I have been married for what will be 11 years soon enough. I love my husband. He and I have been through some major things and we have been through everything in the last 11 years entirely on our own.

Considering that right now we’re living in a beautiful home, have a healthy child and are both gainfully employed and live in a beautiful part of the country I readily admit that most of my unhappiness comes from within. Why? I have no idea. If I knew that I would hit a switch and change it. Perhaps I need some zanax or something. Perhaps I need to just look around at my world and be grateful for what I have. Perhaps I need to say “fuck you” to people like Him. Like seraphim77 and be happy with the awesome people in my life like “Bucky”, husband, Madprophet etc….. The peope that stick it out and accept you for what you are are the best.

Judgemental fucks can kiss off. I like me. When I get it together I'll be so amazing. Wait...that makes me half amazing now...half is better than other's none. Even when I’m all fucked up I’m still far better than judgemental people.

-PoeticaL

By the way, I never want people to delete what I have to say. I say it without fear.
10:44 p.m. ::
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