you keep on knocking but you cant come in

I do things sometimes and I wonder if it all goes unnoticed. Yesterday at the University my direct supervisor sent me an email that said�

�BTW - I think you're doing a GREAT job and I love your sense of humor.�

Today my boss at the construction company told the owner when he made some flattering comment about my telephone answering skills to her via phone (only part of my entire job there�), she replied with �yah isn�t she great�and she�s picking up on things so fast and she�s been such a great help this week.� And then when I was leaving today she said, �thanks so much for helping me this week.�

In the last month or two I have earned more money per week than I ever have in my life. I have enrolled in college, I have signed up for credit courses that are provided to all employees on a certificate per completion status. I�m taking Outlook and Quickbooks and Powerpoint. All programs I know, but will now have certificates in. ;-) I have recently bought myself some new clothes (more professional clothing) and they are all two sizes smaller than a few months ago even. I got a pedicure and feel quite happy about my toes looking and feeling sexy.

All of these things are minor little things each on their own. But all together, I am feeling happier about who I am. There�s just this one major thing that�s making me miserable�..and even despite my best and most meaningful attempts at repairing and fixing it�.I�m failing miserably�.I am here on a Friday night alone.

Oh�they ask me out. A professor asked me out last night. I stood there thinking �awww shit I gotta work around this dude, how do I say �noooooooo I�m not interested in youuuu at all�. I managed it though. Just said no�.like he was a drug I don�t want to try. I went to get my oil changed; the guy there asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said yes, I love him like crazy. I don�t have to sit here alone; I just don�t want anyone else�. But truth be told, I am lonely�.I am so damned lonely. It�d be nice to go out�go get a drink, go have dinner�go see a movie�.have some company�someone to talk to that doesn�t bark back. Oh but this void isn�t one that will be filled by just anyone..and I just can�t wave a magic wand and have what I want right now. Fuck�.