cluttering the net since 2001

la la la

Thursday, Apr. 10, 2003

Thanks for reading my diary and thanks for not only posting in my guestbook but most importantly for coming to me directly to discuss things I wrote about in there. I appreciate that you take the time to know me the way that you do. I know that I left out the reason that my son was crying and I agree with you that it would appear that his crying had something to do with Randy wrestling with him and in fact it didn't. My son is sensitive and in all reality it was you asking him if he was trying to be a girl when he was prancing around the house in my shoes. That combined with the innocently said "chubby" references from your brother...add to that a highly sensitive kid who's parents are getting a divorce and it spells tears. But he's ok.

Tonight when I met up with ex to get some money from him for the dr's. appointment tomorrow, I realized that he's still living a lie. He hasn't told "her" that he's still giving me money. Yes I take his money and some would say that's wrong, but he owes me so much more than he'll ever be able to make up for in cash and my interest is in being healthy.

I used to think that my problems were mine to carrry and endure and deal with. That my issues were unfair to share with you. I now realize that you are a huge part of my life, just as you are a big part of mine and we are in this relationship together. Your problems are my problems and vice versa. We are joined in so many ways, the art of communication that we have is rare and I am grateful to you for being there for me, with me, next to me.

I'm going to do some research regarding snoring and we will compare notes buster!! In the meantime fall asleep first. ha! Um...er...wait, don't do that...I won't get any sleep for sure. Psstt....lets skip sleeping and write a new chapter about love. I love you for saying you love me lots of times in the kitchen tonight. I love you for letting me live and make decisions by myself. For supporting me, and letting me be who I am. For not bitching that the dishes are still dirty, or the place is messy or that I didn't make the bed... I love you for not yelling about the wet carpet in the bathroom, and for not caring that I have a go'zillion books and I keep buying more. I love you for not getting annoyed that I "taught" you how to make coffee in the espresso machine by making a mess when you weren't making one before my lesson. I love those coffee stains on the counter, they mean you are close by. I love the covers being kicked on the floor, the sheets being ripped from the mattress, your fingers wrestling through my knot-filled night hair. I love that you just walked past my typing hands and stopped with curiosity...then left when asked to. I love that you tease kiss me, cause reactions with just your warm breath. I love that you are there in the morning next to me and stir with my every goodbye.

I know I drive you crazy with my questions, my doubts, my fears...I know and yet you let me. You let me be myself, entirely and completely and you never let anything build up, there are no walls between us, just you crushing your way through and me ...standing so tall so happy that you want to wade through the turbulent waters to find me....the me I was before the storms I just walked out of. I love you Rick...I love you.

10:57 p.m. ::
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