laughter...

I just deleted the Josh fight entry because ya know what?

I really wanna think about love and goodness right now.

It takes far too much energy to be unhappy, depressed and sad.

Tonight husband said the following�

�I know I suck, its not like I�m unaware of my own actions. I know you�re suffering and for that I am sorry. I think you should pursue getting some medication to help you not be so sad. I think you need to find your �release� and do for yourself whatever is necessary to find your own inner peace, even if that means you take off and drive down the coast and sit in a hotel somewhere staring at the ocean for the weekend.�

I said�
�yes�but what about the bills and �Bucky� and what about the toll on the insurance right now�and�what about��

I was laying on the bed twirling my cell phone in a manic way. He stopped and looked at me for the longest moment. I could hear my heart pounding in my head. And then he said�

�this�whatever it is is not going to keep me down. I will not be a victim. I will walk with pain and laugh at it.. I will go swimming and move around even if it means I ache allover. I will go to work and pursue my life and I will not sit and torture myself with what ifs and oh my god�s�.I will be �Bucky�s� daddy and play with him even if I have to cry in agony for an hour for pushing my body into places that it didn�t want to go willingly�

I sat in silence without words.

He grabbed a hold of me and my first instinct was to just cry. Instead he tickled me until I couldn�t breath. I said, �what was that about?� He said, �laughter�you needed some.�