liined up

Yesterday I put the smallest ever pants on my ass. The smallest ever. Well not ever, I was smaller prior to having a child. So I suppose after all this I should start to exercise. I just can�t get past the depressive state I am currently in to do so. I can�t even talk myself into moving the TV into the living room to replace the one that went bye bye the other night. Instead I lay on the bed and talk to the dog all night. It�s sad when you�re 34 years old and you sit and talk to the dog all night. What�s even sadder is when she doesn�t listen to you because she�s sleeping but then she hears a nothing noise outside and she�s able to come alert and talk for fifteen minutes a bunch of rubbish.

Regarding the recent events in my life�I have decided that it�s my life. My feelings. My heart. And damn it I�m going to feel it, live it, experience it exactly as I see fit. Period. I�m really sick of letting people who I don�t know, never really met, don�t care about, and don�t share my bills with dictate to me what�s right and wrong in this world. This is my world, rule your own I say.

I went to bed last night feeling loved. My little lump of doggie�ness snoring in my lower back. I won�t discuss why�it just was in that moment one of the first time�s in my life I understood unconditional anything. Three people that matter a great deal to me all lined up in a little emotional soldier row and it marched through me like the biggest balloon parade of love.

-PoeticaL