cluttering the net since 2001

liined up

Thursday, Jul. 22, 2004
Yesterday I put the smallest ever pants on my ass. The smallest ever. Well not ever, I was smaller prior to having a child. So I suppose after all this I should start to exercise. I just canít get past the depressive state I am currently in to do so. I canít even talk myself into moving the TV into the living room to replace the one that went bye bye the other night. Instead I lay on the bed and talk to the dog all night. Itís sad when youíre 34 years old and you sit and talk to the dog all night. Whatís even sadder is when she doesnít listen to you because sheís sleeping but then she hears a nothing noise outside and sheís able to come alert and talk for fifteen minutes a bunch of rubbish.

Regarding the recent events in my lifeÖI have decided that itís my life. My feelings. My heart. And damn it Iím going to feel it, live it, experience it exactly as I see fit. Period. Iím really sick of letting people who I donít know, never really met, donít care about, and donít share my bills with dictate to me whatís right and wrong in this world. This is my world, rule your own I say.

I went to bed last night feeling loved. My little lump of doggieíness snoring in my lower back. I wonít discuss whyÖit just was in that moment one of the first timeís in my life I understood unconditional anything. Three people that matter a great deal to me all lined up in a little emotional soldier row and it marched through me like the biggest balloon parade of love.

9:01 a.m. ::
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