cluttering the net since 2001

looking for you in my mind - poem

Thursday, Jul. 25, 2002

Looking for you in my mind

Sometimes I go for a drive at night
Lately I go looking for you
Behind bent street signs
In the rearview window of foggy thoughts
I think about that cheesy suitcase
How you barely opened it
And I wonder about
The gold band you never brought

Hugging around the carousel
Leaning against your cheap fake leather coat
Your face was providence snow
Fear spelled too tight
We sat down
Looking straight ahead
You were ghost fed white
It was easier bending eyes
Around thoughts I thought
And then I remembered
The wish I thought I bought

Sometimes now
I go out late at night
Remembering how many nights
I thought you were important
Important like the stuff books
Get written around
I remember how you cried
About your father
How you said she bent
Her way away
From the doorway
The day he fled life
She made no sound

She left you
Never found you
Nothing to say
That was the day
I cried because I
Was already sad anyway
You seemed so big
So bigly important
So bigger than anyone
Iíd ever known
Phone cards in wallets
Real life lunchtime parking lots
I swear you still live in
Changing noon lights
Thatís where I see your face
Itís the only photo
Iíve still got

The beach the ocean
The way you dropped
Your eyes on the horizon
I picked you up
Put you in my pocket
A penny memory
I loved you
By pretending
You really loved me
At least in that now
And right now I canít remember
What you had on
Just your voice re-ticketing
Your old life
Without a fine

Bridges across another
The day you
Went away
Like a wish
That I dreamed true
For a day
A vision of truth
That didnít stay

Most of it now
Mostly I forgot
Itís just sometimes
I go looking for you
In my mind
And realize youíre
Just an empty parking lot
And this is the last line


I hope you're happy now...you weren't then.
7:47 a.m. ::
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