cluttering the net since 2001

manly universtiy

Wednesday, Oct. 20, 2004
Dear Mankind,

My fiancé has learned how to call me and say the following “I’m at lunch and I wanted to call to say hello and I love you honey”. This is a big day. This is a day to celebrate. Training is successfully taking place without his knowledge. Oh he’s had girlfriends before…all short lived. At least fairly short lived. Oh not because he couldn’t commit but rather because they always cheated. (Do I understand this or what??) Either way he’s undergone the “invisible” training courses designed by “myself” and lets face it we all (all women) do this to men. All men. Not just the one we’re with. We tell other men we have nothing to do with that they “ought to” “should” “could” buy their wives (and/or significant others) flowers, cards candy etc. We tell them “oh Mary would love it if you…” and other such statements. We all do it; this unconscious man training. Heck some of us even have a habit of “fixing” men for the next girl. C’mon we’ve all seen that done or been the do’er of it. I did it. Oh hell, I did NOT. I tried though. Oh gosh how I tried. I think I did fix the absolute inexcusable and I’d like to think he won’t mess up marriage #2 after the hell that ended marriage #1 but I have huge huge doubts about that one. Even my very very first boyfriend when I was 16 got massive training sessions from moi’. I told him all about the “remembering birthday’s” and the “just because” rules. He himself is probably a great husband or significant other to someone now, the same someone who should be sending me kickbacks for former free training as the “first one”.

Either way, the love of my life has figured out that the best way to “resolve” “fix” “end” “soothe” “move on from..” is to hug me, kiss me, tell me I am loved and generally stand there while I rant rave and act a female lunatic. He needs to stay calm and detached yet firm and present. Oh yes this is the ying and yang and how is one to know which to do? Oh it’s not easy but once you figure it out you are the man in a big kinda way.

Ahhh the simplicity of this and yet…yet there are sooo many men out there that think they must “provide the answer” “remove the cause” and/or “make the world revolve in the other direction” if it just means we women will stop “himming” “hawing” and generally “hormonally whining”. The only way that result will come to fruition is if we are hugged, held, loved and listened to. We don’t want you to say “I’ll tell so and so how you feel.” Nor do we want you to say “Why bitch about something if you’re not going to do anything about it?” Oh man that’s a bad bad thing to say. Trust me. That one might make us start screaming at said man about tampons; episiotomies’s and even worse yet…the inequity of salaries in the work world.

Trust me when I say that if we are upset any of the following things will make most of us women do an about face and become blubbering emotionally gooey inside.

1. hugs
2. kisses
3. chocolate
4. coffee
5. I love you’s
6. poetry
7. clean sheets
8. clean house
9. silence

Ok so maybe that’s just MY personal list and these things might only work for the “R” in my life. But men everywhere should at least have a short list for things that will make his particular woman calm and happy. It’s usually simple things.

Sometimes it’s the simple things that you do “not” do. It’s in the “not” putting the empty milk carton back in the fridge. It’s the not rolling over and going to sleep after sex. It’s the “nots” more than the “can do’s”. And some girls have a lot of nots. The only real NOT that I myself have is the “Do NOT lie to me.” This for me is an unforgivable sin.

Yah so I mostly came to write the entry about how nicely the man in my life is coming along thru the college of “make me happy YOU”. Later tonight when he comes over I’m going to show him just how much I’ve learned in my “Pleasing Your Man 101” classes I’ve had in the past. :-)


p.s. in case you’re interested you can take the latter class at Cosmopolitan University. It’s usually on page 187 and continued on a later page...
2:08 p.m. ::
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