meat cleaver
It
was a nice long weekend and a quiet boring one.�
But then on the other hand it wasn�t. I went to the beach on Saturday
and hung out on my big old quilt reading �Living Dead Girl� by Tod
Goldberg.� It was awesome.� So awesome that I got slight sunburn because
I didn�t want to leave until I was done reading it.� It was completely different than �Fake Liar
Cheat� but it was still Tod and still very good.� That guy is a deep thinker for sure.
Like
I said, it was a quiet weekend.� A pretty nice one.� The
way my life has been its great when we have a quiet weekend.� Yesterday husband and I cleaned the entire
house from top to bottom.� Everything�s
shiny and clean.� I went to the bookstore
for about an hour and then I hung out reading �Microserfs�
some more.� I veered away from that book
to read Tod�s book.� I read Tod�s book in
one day. I love the kind of books that you read in one day because they just
suck you in so deep.
I
got some pictures back.� When everything
was moved and done with we found 7 (count em) 7! Rolls of film.� And we
had no clue what was on em.� Wow�some of those pictures dated back to when
my son was 5.�� We�re just not that into
pictures and documenting things I guess. ��Bucky� was in there
looking all young and so different.� I
know people that have a camera shoved up their kid�s asses all the time.� I hate that.�
I�m all for having memories, but c�mon let your kids grow up in
peace.� It reminds me of that movie that
stared Jim Carey�but oh hell I can�t remember it.� Ya know, the one
where they follow him around with cameras and he�s the star of some tv show he knows nothing
about.� Yeah�that one.
But,
there was a picture of �Bucky� with Stevie.� Yeah, Mrs. Cleavers son.�
My son�s best friend for 4 � years.� And of course �Bucky�
saw it and he grabbed it and it was and is a very good picture of them
together.� He saw it and he started to
cry within about 3 minutes. �I asked him
if he wanted to call Stevie.� Yeah I want nothing to do with them, and we�ve
all moved, but I couldn�t bear to see my son so broken up.� He said he didn�t want to call.� I went and sat in my bedroom just trying
desperately to figure out how the hell you�re supposed to correctly deal with
this shit.� I came up with nothing.� I went into �Bucky�s�
room where he was crying his eyes out and asked him again if he wanted to call Stevie.� Again he
said no.� Then I just went out into the
garage and dug up a suitable frame out of the pile of boxes that we haven�t
gone through yet and cleaned it all up and put the picture of �Bucky� and Stevie in our old
kitchen (we completely redid that kitchen�so for me that�s hard to see now) and
went into his bedroom and gave it to him.�
He was all puffy eyed bawling his eyes out and he looked at what I did
and said, �can I put this on my bed?�� He has a waterbed with a very nice
headboard.� I of course hugged him and
said �yes�and just so you know you can call Stevie
anytime you want, just ask me and I�ll give you the number�no matter what.���
Keep
in mind, that I�d much rather put all of the Cleaver stuff behind me.� And I�d also like to say a few things about
Mrs. Cleaver to the person that told me I am just like her,
I�d like to point out a few things about this situation.� (I also need to get it off my chest somewhere
and this is my diary so I can say whatever I want!!!)
- Mrs. Cleaver is the
women that gave me a bible for my birthday the first year I was her
neighbor.
- Mrs. Cleaver is the
person that bought me some very nice picture frames for some poster prints
all the while she was sleeping with my husband. (Most gifts I get in life
come from guilt!)
- Mrs. Cleaver slept
with her boss, another friends husband and
another man all while being married to Mr. Cleaver.
- Mrs. Cleaver was
angry at me for going to her house the next day to console her husband
after what she did to me?!?!�
- Mrs. Cleaver left her
son behind telling her husband �I do not want bothered, I have done this
for long enough, this stupid mother business.� I want to party and have a good time.�
I have never cheated on my husband.� At any point and time that I did anything
that could be construed as questionable, he was on the other side of the
country carrying on.� I am nothing like
her.� He left me.� What I did from that point on wasn�t while
being �in� any relationship.�
And lastly, despite all of this, I would allow my son to speak
to Stevie, because as much as I�d like to erase it
all, I will not allow my son to hurt if I can change anything for him.�
If he�s lost his best friend, it was due to nothing I did.� It was the actions of his father and not
me.� And the saddest part is my son knows
this as well.� And he idolizes his father
and this Stevie issue must be so hard for his 9 year
old soul to deal with.
It all just makes me ache inside and wonder about my capacity
for forgiveness towards other people in the light of how much I am judged
unfairly.
Whew, now I have a f�n
headache�
-PoeticaL�