I called the surgery coordinator this morning and she told me �September 20th� I flipped out. I have already signed a L.O.A. for school and that can�t go beyond 30 days. And then this person is telling September after the doctor tells me �prior to the end of August�. Everything regarding your health is so much in someone else�s hands that it�s tiring and frustrating. I told her this was absolutely unacceptable and that the doctor had told me this could not wait until after August and so why was I then waiting? She told me she�d call me back in 20 minutes. Then she calls back in ten to tell me that it�s on Friday. I have a pre-op meeting at the hospital at 9 a.m. on Wednesday. This will be another hectic week of trying to get all caught up at work so that I don�t leave my counterpart in the lurch. I feel guilty about that too. I�ve been constantly worried about something over the last few weeks. It�s never ending. Worried about the o�s then worried about school, then taking an FMLA at work and on and on and on and on and on and on the on and so on. Enough I say!

I�m so ready to be knocked out and then I intend to tell myself I am on maximum shut down. Hand me a box of dry cheerios, a pitcher of water, the remote control and leave me be. I intend to rest rest rest. Rebuild my internal strength and will. I feel very fortunate and hopeful that the doctor will not find anything more for me to worry about and that within weeks I can begin to take medication and get my hormones balanced out and get healthy. I can�t wait. It is that mile marker that I am visualizing the most right now. The inevitable someday�.

Rick and I have begun to venture into territory that we had been so long afraid to imagine and speak about out loud. The what if's of "what if?" we do get pregnant. What plans will we make? What must we cover? Think about? Consider?